Why ABC Should Cast Me On The Bachelor

So if you didn't have a life last night and you were on twitter I know for a fact that you were reading my stream from live tweeting The Bachelor.  Let me tell ya I thought I was really funny last night, and so did two other people.

Some of my best quips from the night are as follows

How many years has it been since Cassandra want on a first date? She only said it like once. #Not #TheBachelor

— Erica Thompson (@EricaJT) January 21, 2014

 

Yes Chelsie if you can jump off a bridge with JP you can handle anything - identity theft, terminal illness, drug addiction. #TheBachelor

— Erica Thompson (@EricaJT) January 21, 2014

 

I am looking for a guy who has mastered the art of upside down kissing. #TheBachelor

— Erica Thompson (@EricaJT) January 21, 2014

 

Sharleen I saw your soul through the camera lens tonight. Your fears are now confirmed #TheBachelor

— Erica Thompson (@EricaJT) January 21, 2014

 

Where did all these brunette girls come from? #TheBachelor

— Erica Thompson (@EricaJT) January 21, 2014

Somewhere during all this live tweeting I realized that I really wanted to be a contestant on The Bachelor.  Not because I want to date anyone on TV and have the world watch as I awkwardly learn how to kiss (shout out to Charlene), but because I want a better tan.

If ABC cast me on The Bachelor I can tell you how my time would go down.

1. Wear all my old bridesmaid dresses

Brides have told me that I can wear my bridesmaid dress again in real life.  Well I have yet to find an opportunity to do this outside of being cast on The Bachelor.

2. I would just hang out by the pool and get a sweet tan for two weeks

You guys I can not stress this enough.  I would literally just lounge about while the sun was shining.  I probably wouldn't even talk to any of the girls there and then the producers could invent some drama out of it.  I would be the girl who is one way with them and anther way when The Bachelor comes in the room.  I mean I would have to act somewhat interested in order to keep the pool benefits.

3. I could read so many books

With all the lounging I would be able to catch up on all the books on my Kindle.

4. I would have so much blog material

No but really, I am pretty sure this could launch a career for me.  ABC  help a sister out.

5. I wouldn't care if I got a date or not

Group date, one on one, two on one, sneaking around in the bushes, none of that would matter to me.  I could pretend to be pissed of and hurt when my name wasn't on a date card, but inside I would be rejoicing.

6. Free home gym


You know those girls have to have a pretty great gym in that mansion.  I have always wanted a home gym to work out in before I lay out by my pool and read a book on my Kindle.

7. Dogs are allowed now

Now that Kelly has broken down the social stigma of loving dogs as a profession I am able to walk on the trail that she so brilliantly blazed for dog lovers everywhere.

Pack you bags Penny we are heading to the bachelor mansion!