A Heavy Heart

I have been thinking about what I could write about today for the last few hours and I honestly could not come up with a topic.  I know that the reason for this is that most of my thoughts have been about my best friend and her family.  On Sunday afternoon her father passed away.  Her father's death came as a shock to the whole family because he did not have any serious medical conditions at the time.  No one thought this could happen and they are broken hearted. 
I have grown close to the whole family and my heart aches for the pain they are experiencing.  They are an incredibly sweet family and have always welcomed me and been kind to me.  They are the family that invited me to join them in Palm Springs this summer and Justina is my "twin" at work.  Everyone was informed at work today of the sad news and we prayed for the family.  Because everyone knows we are close I was asked over and over again what happened.  Everyone has had a way of processing the information and it has affected everyone.

It is hard to think about losing a parent.  I am not comfortable with the fact that I am at the age where our parents my pass away.  It reminds me of a lyric from John Mayer's song Stop This Train, "Don't know how else to say it, I don't want to see my parents go. One generation's length away from fighting life out on my own."  
I do not have anything spectacular to say or anything that seems appropriate to say.  For today I have a heart that aches with the my friend's aching heart.  For today I have hope that we can love and bring comfort to those in pain.  For today I am grateful for my family and friends and remember to share my love with them whenever I can. 

Mission Trip Love

Happy Monday, loves!  I hope you had a lovely weekend and are not having the worst day back to work ever.  I had a great weekend full of Ducks hockey, great friends, family, and a life defining moment you wouldn't believe!
Let me give you a little background info as to what I did and what the moment was.  Last year I started to get really into hockey.  I always loved the Mighty Ducks movies that Disney made when I was a kid, so it seemed like a natural fit for me to just cheer for the NHL Ducks, now that I am an adult.  This weekend the Ducks and the Kings had their rookies play in a game against each other.  The great part about this was that the game and parking were free.  Free I tell you!  My friends and I made a day of it and sat super close to the ice.  My friend's dad kept telling me that during the season the seats we were in would cost $250 and if it were a Stanley Cup game at least $1000.  Again I tell you my seats were free!

I am pretty sure we were the loveliest ladies at the game!  The Ducks lost by like a gagillion points, but fun was had by all.  

The game was fun and all and I love my friends, but the best part of the night for me came while we were standing in line.  The line to get in was really long and extremely slow.  It gave me a lot of time to look around and see what kind of a crowd a free, rookie hockey game would draw.  I then looked behind me and my eye caught a Captain America t-shirt.  That's strange I thought to myself, I liked a man who had a shirt that looks just like that.  Why did I like a grown man who wore a Captain America shirt? Then I looked up to see what other man could possibly wear this shirt and BAM our eyes meet.  I was standing face to face with my mission trip love and his new wife.  

I was about to say hello, but he looked away so quickly I think he gave himself whiplash.  I just stood in line with my friends and coyly tried to look behind me a few times to make sure it really was him.  I was a little doubtful at first, but by the time I was out of line I knew it for sure it was him.  Even though he had gained 20 pounds in a year and had a doopey look on his face I knew he indeed the man I fell for in Costa Rica last summer. 

In case you want to read about my mission trip to Costa Rica, I wrote about it here. I really loved this trip and I was so glad I went, for reasons beyond meeting a single pastor.  I went with a group of people who lived in Kansas City that I had never even meet before.  In many ways this is one of the most adventurous things I had ever done and I was beyond proud of myself for going, helping people in need, and making what I thought were permeant connections. 

The person I clicked with the most was the pastor of the church that went.  After a few days we were always hanging out with each other, working on the same projects, making inside jokes, and sharing personal stories.  Most people on the trip said something to me about our budding relationship and many asked me when I was moving to Kansas City.  I was getting to know this guy and there was a lot that he was processing in his own life.  He was married before and had a child with his first wife.  Not really the relationship I had in mind for myself if I am being honest.  I wasn't sure what I thought of all this, but I did recognize, as did everyone else, that there was a connection there.  

While we were in Costa Rica everything was really great, I even thought that God was working in all of it to bring us together.  I mean really how often do you go on a trip with a group of strangers and meet someone that in many ways was what you were looking for that just happened to be single at the same time?  Not that often my friends. Even though he was a pastor in Kansas City he was from Southern California and comes here to visit spend time with his family in Southern California.  It could have worked.... maybe.... OK probably not. 

After the trip he told me he was going to be in California in December and he wanted to get together with me.  I wrote him a letter telling him how happy I was to meet him and then we said good bye.  I came home and we Facebooked a little here and there.  He liked my photos and statuses for like a week and we would exchange emails.  Then after a month I never heard from him again.  He unfriended me from Facebook, his profile picture changed to a photo of him and some chick, and every mutual friend we had quit talking to me.  I later found out that he was dating this girl while we were in Costa Rica.  I am pretty sure they got married this summer.  Real classy. Real. Classy.

The group from Costa Rica.

I realized after I had been back and we quite talking that I had a case of mission trip love.  Mission trip love is a strong love and can be compared to summer camp love, Christian college love, or even terminal illness love.  It is love that develops with someone you never would have expected to like because the circumstances you are in create the perfect breeding ground for love.  

I have been immune to all of the afore mentioned types of love in my life.  I worked at a summer camp and didn't even make out with anyone.  I went to a Christian college and escaped without a ring by spring.  Terminal illness love may strike at some point, but if A Fault in Our Stars taught me anything it is that terminal illness love is the worst.  

Even though I have been able to withstand many of the love traps this world has set for us I seem to be extremely susceptible to mission trip love.  I have been on three mission trips and twice i left with some sort of a non-committed relationship with a guy I would never have even looked at twice back at home.  

In case you wanted to know I have come up with some signs. that you may be in mission trip love.  These signs also apply to the Peace Corps or any humanitarian trip to make the world a better place. 

Your friends and or family tell you that you are going to fall in love on your trip. 

You thought this person was a troll the first time you saw them, but after watching them help others you found them attractive. 

Your defenses are down because you are in a new enviornment and you bond with others faster as a survival tactic. 

People keep telling you that God or the Universe sent you on the trip for a reason. You think you know what that reason is and it has little to do with building a home for a poor family. 

When you return home the facade of goodness slowly fades away.  Not all at once, but day by day that person you knew on the mission trip is no longer recognizable.

You continue to date/communicate because you know that the person you fell for is still in there somewhere, I mean how could you have been so deceived? 

You realize that they are a good person in good circumstances, but there is more to them than the glow one gets from a mission trip. 

After some time you leave the relationship.  You may be disillusioned after you find that the man or woman you knew in the foreign land is not the man or woman you are with right now.

You swear you will never fall for another person on a mission trip again

You go on a mission trip with your deep woodsman bug spray and your eyes lock with some pastor type and the cycle starts all over again.

I have known plenty of couples who met on this type of trip and I think that is part of what fuels the cycle.  Knowing that it can and has happened is some powerful stuff.  I do think that the conditions are right for romance.  I also think the conditions are right to be the best version of yourself possible.  If you return from the trip and that good person is no where to be found you know that it was a case of mission trip love.  You fell for the the allure of helping the world with a somewhat OK looking guy who seemed to love Jesus a whole lot, and probably does love Jesus a whole lot.  There is something very alluring and attractive about that. 

After I realized that I suffered from a case of mission trip love I was a little hurt and disillusioned about mission trips and pastors.  I soon got over it and I haven't thought of him all year until last night.  I was actually really happy that I saw him and his wife.  I looked so cute last night and I was having a great time with my friends.  He saw me and it was clear that I did not change when I came home, that I was still a lovely, joyful person.  He, on the other hand, looked terrible.  He had gained weight and as soon as he realized it was me he quit talking to his wife and looked really uncomfortable and miserable.

The aspect of seeing him last night that I am most grateful for was that I realized that I did not miss anything by not being in a relationship with him.  I have a full and happy life.  Even though I am not married to the rich, hunk of a future husband I know is waiting for me, I am in a good place.  I am glad that Costa Rica only brought me mission trip love and not real love.  I am glad that I went on the trip and pushed myself to be brave and meet new people.  I am glad that I helped others who needed help.  And I am glad I learned more about myself and my susceptibility to mission trip love. 

When I told my mom about the evening she asked me if I thought it was a coincidence.  I said I didn't know.  I was just happy that I saw what I could have had and was happy that I didn't have it or want it anymore.   
That is all I have for today.  This was a long post, but one that I really felt good writing.  I never thought I would share this story here, but after last night I felt like I had a good ending for it that did not end in bitterness or a rant.  
I would love to hear if you have ever had a moment like this and what you took away from it.  I would also love to hear if you love hockey and who your team is!  Have a great Monday and rest assured of the fact that your life is in God's hands and when things do not work out like you think they should it is usually because he has something better in store for you. 

My Twin, A Sweet Treat, and Alex Trebek

It is Saturday morning and I woke up ready to write my little heart out.  Isn't it so weird that some days you sit down to write and nothing seems to want to come out.  Then other days you just feel like you have words?  None of the topics I have to write about are particularly connected to one another.  In fact they are just a few random tidbits that I was thinking about.  I do not think any of the topics would work as a stand alone post so I will write about them all together and call it a day. 
I have a twin.  Well no I don't but I almost do.  I love having close friends that sort of look simlar to you so people look at you like maybe they are sisters.  I have had some friends like this over the years.  Laura and I were often mistaken for sisters in college. 

Laura and me at the beach a few years back!

At work I have a friend that is fulfilling this role in my life too.  I cannot even tell you how many times the kids call us each others names.  We decided to mess with them a bit yesterday and wear the same outfit.  It was beautiful. 

I can not tell you how many times the kids told me that I had the same shirt as my friend.  I pretended to be surprised every time. 
I only eat dessert once a month.  Last night I was so tired, just drained from a pretty emotional week.  May is with friends all weekend so I had the house to myself.  I watched TV and ate Cheez its for dinner.  It was beautiful.  I also went to Golden Spoon and enjoyed a frozen yogurt.  Since June I have drastically reduced my sugar intake.  In fact I had gotten to the point where I was only eating one dessert a month.  The last two weeks I have had two desserts, but dang that is good dude.  I just feel so much better when I do not eat desserts which is so sad, but totally worth it to be healthy and happy.   It also makes me appreciate a little sweet treat more.  For example I love a dessert at JT Schmits that has banana in it and is just fluffily and a dream on a plate.  I am already making plans to eat this in October!
I plan to be a contestant on Jeopardy.  I love Jeopardy.  I am convinced that I will be amazing on the show if I ever take the test and try out.  Really it is just a matter of me taking the test and figuring out what story I will tell about myself when I am on the show.  Have you ever noticed that the contestants seem to have the weirdest stories that no one cares about? I feel like they put not thought into their story.  I know when I make it on the show and Alex Trebek asks me who I am I will nail it.  I am sure the clip will go viral and will be the paragon for all Jeopardy contestants in the future.  Now time to figure out what story I will regale him with.  Perhaps the one when my kayak sank in the ocean and I had to be rescued or the time I had to leave high school one day in an ambulance.... oh the possibilities. 

We will meet Mr. Trebeck  Source

Ok I am going to go enjoy a beautiful Saturday in California complete with a free hockey game tonight.  I am beyond excited that hockey season is about to start!  
Dont forget to enter my fall give away!  The entries are low and you have a great chance for some cash money at Target!  My giveaway
I am also excited about Helene's link up this week, songs that define me.  Check out her post and link up next week. Helene's Link Up Announcement 

My Fool Proof Break Up Plan

I am so happy that today if Friday!  It was only a four day week but man was it a doozy!  I am ready to come home, run a few miles, eat a salad and crash on my bed by 8.  My big plan is to go to bed at 8 on a Friday night, I am wild I tell ya, wild!
This week I was picking May up from dinner with her friends and we started talking about moving.  We are moving in just two weeks and there is much work to be done.  She was worried that we would have a hard time moving all the furniture by ourselves because we are just two girls.  She enlisted the help of a friend from school, another girl mind you.  I told her she was so sweet, but I am hiring strong men to do it all for us.  She was extremly relieved.  
I told her that I quit having my friends help me move as soon as I could afford it.  I also told her about a boyfriend that helped me move once and then broke up with me the next week.  The moral of the story is if you are going to move soon make sure you stay with your boyfriend.  They are useful when it comes to moving furniture.  If you can date a man with a truck it is even better.  
May then asked me if we broke up because he had to move my stuff.  I told her I didn't think so but I could never be sure.  I explained that something else happened to his family and he needed to move home, I think... I told her about the break up talk, it was long and awkward, and he walked away with freshly baked brownies while I just walked away. 
After I told her this story I realized this was not the only relationship that ended after I baked something for a boy.  Last Christmas I went on a couple dates with a guy and then made him cookies for Christmas.  I gave him the cookies after a date and then never heard from him again, no joke.  I happen to know that the cookies were delicious, my sister ate 10 in one sitting.  Perhaps he just couldn't handle the fact that I was so amazing AND i could bake like a pro.  That is pretty intimidating to most guys I am sure.  

I agree Dwight, I agree.

I told May that I need to never bake anything if I want to keep a boyfriend.  She laughed at me and agreed.  Then she said that I should keep baking and the man who still likes me is the one for me.  I kind of like her thinking, she is wise beyond her years. 
Other than baking I can think of a couple things that tend to ruin relationships.  I would say texting has been the biggest thing that has ruined potential relationships.  What is with people these days?  Why is it so hard for us to pick up a phone and have a voice to voice conversation.  Nothing is worse than trying to get to know someone and misunderstanding their meaning.  Texting should be reserved for people you know in real life and are farmiliar with their tone, inflection, and sense of humor.  If you are just starting to get to know some one don't do it over text, get to know them in person.  
Case in point.  I was getting to know a gentlemen and he was quite the texter.  I only wrote a little bit to him to be nice, but he would write the longest messages back.  I sent him the following message and then we quit talking. 

My autocorrect changed UCSB to Ivan.  He thought I was seeing someone named Ivan and he did not believe be about autocorrect.  I told him what happened and then never heard from him again.  I was actually relieved, because I wasn't that into texter anyway, I was just trying to be more open to new possibilities.  Lesson learned, keep your standards woman! 

Do not go on a date with this guy!

A facebook friend posted the following article this week and I thought it had some good points about our culture and dating these days.  Check it out here.  
Please share your silly dating stories or tips for others on how to break up with someone baking chocolate chip cookies works for me.

In Defense of Millennials

10 Things Millennials Won't Tell You

20 Things 20 Year Olds Don't Get
Something I don't "get" why you gotta be so mean?

A spirit of negativity towards Milennials.

Five Lies 20 Somethings Should Not Believe

Why Millennials are leaving the church