Lies I Tell My Students

After I wrote my post Lies I Tell on Facebook I realized there are so many other places I like to lie.  One of them is my classroom.  I know it is terrible to do this but, you have to have a little fun sometimes right, keep the kids on their toes ya know.

I get by with a lot of things as long as I say it with confidence. In other words, my students do not question the absurdity of the things that come from my mouth as long as I sound like I mean it.

Below are a list of my top ten favorite lies I have told classes of students over my 6 years as a teacher.

With Two of my students on their mock interview day.  Oh and they buy cameras that make your photos fuzzy so you look prettier. HA!

With two/three in the back of my students during Spirit Week this year.

10. I pronounce words wrong.

I am a smart lady. However, sometimes I have a little bit of a difficulty with phonics.  In fact I had to have a phonics tutor when I was in first grade.  I do not remember anything from those tutoring sessions except how to write in cursive. Mom, you might want to get a refund.
  I don't mean to pronounce words wrong it just happens sometimes.  If you say it with confidence they will never know.

9. I live on the roof of the school. 

While I was teaching elementary summer school I found great joy in the first grade class.  They were cute, funny, and believed everything.  One hot, summer day I told a boy that I lived on the roof of the school.  He asked why and I told him it was so I wouldn't have to drive far to get to work.  That was enough of a reason for him and from them on in his mind I lived on the roof.

I actually slept in my classroom one night after grad night.  I had 2 hours before work and it was the best option.

8.  There is a secret teacher swimming pool on the roof of the gym.

I don't know why but it seems that a few of my lies involve the roof of the school.  Probably because they will never make it up there.  I told a group of students that even though I do not make much money one of the benefits of working at the school is a private swimming pool reserved for staff.  All the teachers go there at the end of the day and hang out. 

7.  I love all the books/stories we read. 

There are just some things we have to do in class that I could care less about.  I am so good at acting though that the kids think I  love Beowulf and all that Old English junk we muddle through.  I don't.

6. I am friends with Tyra Banks.

I told a class of students I was BFFs with Tyra.  They weren't quite buying it so to prove it I gave them "her phone number."  I just wrote a random phone number on a piece of paper.  (I felt bad about this one so I came clean the next day.)

5.  I am a model outside the school and make 5 million dollars a year.  I love teaching so I volunteer my time during the school year to educate the future leaders of America.

No one said that there was no way that could be true.  These sweet teenagers actually think I am a model.  God bless them.

4.  Yes, I am in love with every man that works here.

I cannot tell you how many times these kids ask me if I am dating certain coworkers of mine.  Married ones, single ones, fat ones, skinny ones, tall ones, short ones, Asian ones, white ones, you name it I am in love with it... according to them.  I have just quit trying to stop the rumors and agree every time they ask.  It makes life more interesting at least.

3. I changed my last name from Samsung.

Yes, I am Korean.  Yes, I am worth a few billion dollars.  Yes, I could just chill in the most beautiful places in the world like Paris Hilton, but I don't.  I changed my last name so I could have a normal life.  I don't want someone to try and marry me because I am rich.  I believe in love for love's sake. 

2. One of the teachers that I work with straightens his hair every day.

This one is one of my favorites because I built up a whole back story.  He is an Asian man born in America.  I told the students that he was born with a freak, genetic mutation that caused his hair to be curly.  Having curly hair in Asian American circles is looked at as a sign of shame and disgrace (in my made up world).  In order to fit into his culture and society he straightens his hair every morning. 

I have had a few kids question me on this one.  The will ask things like,"But he always looks like he just rolled out of bed and didn't do his hair."

My answer, "He works hard to make it look like that.  Like Ted on How I Met Your Mother."

When they really don't believe me I tell them to think back to camp.  Did Mr. Tang ever get in the lake or the pool?  NO!  because his hair would be curly again.  BAM! case closed. 

1. Whenever I miss a few days for vacation I tell the kids I went to China.

I am not sure why but they totally eat it up.  I look up weather conditions where I "went" and tell them a few cultural points.  Last weekend when I went to Stagecoach I was in Beijing, it was lovely this time of year. 

After making this list I kind of felt bad.  It is a little like when Jim went through all the pranks he pulled on Dwight over the years.  At the time they were awesome, but when you add them all up it kind of sounds mean.  But like Jim I will continue to have fun and keep myself entertained.

love! Erica