How To Be Awesome - Stop Talking

I love this poster and the slew of aphorisms that it contains.  I realize I just used the word "slew" and "aphorisms" on a Wednesday morning and I want to thank the 5 of you who will continue to read my blog.

I realize this is a cheesy classroom poster, but that aside it contains some simple truths.  The first time I saw this poster I was subbing for a jr. high English class. Even though it was a cheesy teacher poster, we all have them, the message has stayed with me for a while now.

The part that resonates the most with me is the "watch your words they become actions."  So often our thoughts and words seem like just thoughts and words.  Usually they are harmless, but if they continue in negative or unchecked ways our actions can reflect what we think and talk about. 

There are times in my life where I get really hung up on some thing and it seems that no matter what I can not stop talking about it.  I honestly do not want to talk about that topic but I can not stop myself. I hear myself bringing it up in conversations or looking for ways to include it when it really does not apply.  I often feel like Cady in Mean Girls when she keeps talking about things that she knows she shouldn't, "word vomit" is what she called it.

Cady word vomiting all over Aaron Samuels.

So you may be asking yourself "What is this topic that Erica keeps talking about?"  Currently, I do not have one. However, in the past it has been one of two things. problems at work or relationship problems or lack or relationship problems because I am not in a relationship.

Around Christmas time I went on a few dates with a guy and it fizzled hard.  I mean we hung out, I met his drunk roommate, I gave him bomb chocolate chip cookies baked with like (I just met him why would I bake them with love) for his Christmas gift and then he died.

I am not sure if he died, I am sure that I never heard from him again though.  My wonderful cousin Rachel says when she goes out with someone and she never hears from them again it is becuase she knows they died.  She gets mad that they did not call and then sad when she thinks of them dead, it saves a lot of heartache actually.

After this turn of events and a random man's death it was all I could talk about.  A friend would bring up her date and then I would talk about mine.  I would be hanging out with my family and they would ask me how things were and I would go into my single girl story, over and over again. I would go to the gorcery store and buy ice cream and then tell the checker that it was because I liked ice cream not because of a break up.  But since she asked (yeah right) I would tell her about why I am single.  The conversation quickly turned from that one guy to all guys.  The snowball was rolling and building up speed.

I am sure that those around me were very tired of this topic of conversation, but they love me and let me go on.  I was tired of the topic.  I was tired of feeling like the girl who only had the identity of "I am sad and single."  That isn't me and that is not who I want to be perceived as.  

As the motivational poster above reads watch your thoughts they become your words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become you character and your character is your destiny.  If I was not careful I was quickly moving from thoughts to words to actions and could easily have become a habit of complaining about something petty in my life.   

So what did I do.  I made a commitment to myself and God that I would stop complaining about my situation out loud, in my head, and in my prayers for a month.  The first few days were hard because talking about this topic was really all I was talking about, but after three days or so of detox I was fine.  There were times I almost talked about it and remembered my personal challenge and bit my tongue. 

During my self proclaimed silence I remembered that I am worth so much more than a relationship.  Just because one guy died doesn't mean they all will.  Just because I am in a some what slow dating time doesn't mean I always will be.  Just because I have Friday nights where Ken Burns is my date does not demean my significance in the world.  

I want to note that if something ever happened to you and you have bottled that up then you need to talk about it.  Taking time to stop talking is for those moments when you do not need to talk.  It is for those times when talking is becoming toxic.  It is for those times when you are becoming someone you know you are not and someone you do not want to be.

If you are sick of your own toxic thoughts let them go.  If you think someone else is sick of your rantings, let them go.  If you are afraid to stop talking because you do not know what to talk about anymore trust that those around you will fill in the gaps while you make your way back to your true character. 

Choose your thoughts and words careful for they really do make a difference in who you are. 

love! Erica 

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