There's Always Chinese Hitler

Hey Oh!  On Tuesday I shared some of my favorite pick up lines that I have heard in my life.  I promised I would tell you which of these fine fellas I actually went on a date with and i am ready to break it down for ya.  Before I do though please do not judge me too harshly!  Also you will see that the bar is set pretty low so if you are a mildly interesting fella who isn't too creepy there is probably hope for you.

- I was just sitting here drinking alone and wanted to know if you wanted to get coffee next week.

To be fair I did go out with this guy, but we just finished the hardest class and final ever.  I can understand drinking alone, that one time. 

- So wanna get dinner at Denny’s?

College days man.  Denny's was quite the romantic spot between the ages of 14 - 20. 

- Wanna come over and watch Indiana Jones tonight?

No I didn't want to come over and watch Indiana Jones, but I did and we dated for a month.  Then his mom made me chicken when I was a vegetarian and we broke up. 

- Have you ever been to the three dollar theater?

We didn't go to the three dollar theater.  We went to Baja Fresh instead.  I ordered nachos.  He never asked me out again. 

- Can I come over to your house and watch the latest episode of The Office?  I will bring cup of noodles for a snack.

So maybe I had no idea the cup of noodles were part of the deal.  He showed up to my house in jammies and a cup of noodles for each of us.  Then I ate it and he offered to get me more because "I have tons of these in the trunk of my car."

- I am training to become an ultimate fighting champion.  My cage name is Prince Of Pain.

It's true I dated the Prince Of Pain, POP.  Then he married one of my best friends.  It's the circle of love. 

As I look back on all these winning moments in my life I could lose hope.  However, when things get tough I remember that Chinese Hitler sent me the following email earlier this school year and apparently I have quite the fan base for 24 year old Chinese fascists.

---

From:wor-god (Hitler)
Date: Fri, Nov 22, 2013 at 9:56 PM
Subject: Hello, pretty girl, I want to be friends with you
To: erica jacquline

You must think of how I get your e-mail, and one of my friends in the U.S. you go to school, he let me see your picture, I think you're beautiful, I love you, so I want to my friend your mailbox and decided to become friends with you, I am a Chinese, I am 24 years old, if you prefer, we can continue to further develop our relationship.

---

I just copied and pasted this from my email account word for word.  You can not make stuff like this up.  Also I was really scared for like four months and just recently thought it was funny and I should share it with you. 

 

[caption id="attachment_1701" align="aligncenter" width="600"] None of these people are Chinese Hitler. They are just friends from work that laughed at the Chinese Hitler email.[/caption]

They Got Hitched!

I wish my friends could get married every weekend!  I am telling you weddings are my jam and I would hang out at them all the time if I didn't have to buy gifts or anything like that.  Two of my close friends tied the knot this last weekend and I am going to share the day with you even though I am well aware that you probably have no idea who my friends are.  It was a beautiful, fun day so you will just love this post even if you do not know the people in the post.



Adam and Laura are two of my closest friends from college.  Most of my fun college memories involve both them and I am so happy that we stayed friends for so many years.



One of my favorite college memories of these two came every Monday night of junior year.  For some reason Laura and I loved to watch that hit TV show 7th Heaven... and make fun of it.  She would come over to my apartment with different friends and we would watch the Camden family struggle through Jessica Biel being crazy, Ruthie getting chubby, and people killing others with a car and laugh and laugh laugh at them.  Adam had always liked Laura so he would often find ways to come over and hang out too.  It was awkward and awesome all at the same time.  Then 6 years later they started dating.

Most of the toasts and speeches at the wedding were about how Adam never gave up loving Laura and how happy everyone was that they ended up together, which was really sweet.

I was so happy to be one of Laura's bridesmaids for this joyful event. It was probably one of the most fun weddings I have ever been to which is due in large part to the fun friends they have in their lives (I am pretty sure I just gave myself a nice compliment).  I also was a small part of their engagement story which you can read about here.

I have decided to share a few tips and photos with you to help make any wedding you attend even more joyful and amazing.

1. Do not assume you can be a wedding photographer just because you are a pretty Christian girl.

[caption id="attachment_1657" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Isn't that a lovely photo of a champagne bottle? Oh look there is a bride and groom too.[/caption]

2. Surround yourself with tall women. I am telling you Laura's bachelorette party was my happy place.  We went to a dessert champagne bar called Pop in Pasadena.  Almost all the girls were tall and my posture was exquisite for a night.



3. Have BBQ or your rehearsal dinner.  Big plates of meat were on the menu with a lot of mac and cheese.  It was pretty much a dream, except trying to zip my dress up the next day proved a little more difficult than the day before.

[caption id="attachment_1662" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Also making eye contact with the camera is so overrated, make sure you do not do that for all the photos you can.[/caption]

4. Speaking of zippers on dresses, make sure someone is in your home when you try on an important event dress.  There is a wonderful chance I have a "friend" who tried on her bridesmaid dress a week before a wedding and was stuck in it at her house alone.  The zipper malfunctioned and she had to cut the zipper in half in order to get out of the dress.  There is also a wonderful chance my "friend's" puppy has never been more confused in her short little life.

5. If you are going to get your dress altered make sure you do it with less than a week before the wedding.  That will make the Chinese man sewing a new zipper in your dress really happy.

6. If your friend is not ready for a photo booth photo just hold a sign in front of her face and close your eyes.  The moment you will capture will be magical.

[caption id="attachment_1651" align="aligncenter" width="600"] It also helps if you call yourself amazing in said photo.[/caption]

7.  Keep those lyrics to the theme song from The Fresh Prince of BelAir fresh in your mind.  You never know when you and the best man will be rapping this on the dance floor for anyone who is around.  You don't want to look like a fool and forget the lyrics.

8. Find funny people and hang out with them.  You will laugh your face off. Don't be too jealous, I hung out with Joe Machi who is on Last Comic Standing this season (it starts tonight and you should watch it!)  Not every wedding will have a Joe Machi, so just try your best to find someone that will make you laugh so hard you ruin most of your photo booth photos.



 

9. Don't notice any of the little details that brides spend hours, days, and months planning, it will make them feel so good.  Just kidding!  Pay attention to those things!  I was a terrible wedding photographer, see #1, and barely took any pictures.  My friend and fellow Bridesmaid, Meg at Henning Love, did a great job capturing the decor and lovely features of this wedding for any of you looking for inspiration or a wedding recap does not provide all these helpful tips.

[caption id="attachment_1666" align="aligncenter" width="600"] 2 bloggers in one wedding![/caption]

Congrats Adam and Laura!  I am so happy for you two and I cannot wait to see what amazing things you are going to do together!  Love you both!

 

Single Girl True Life Confessions

This weekend I had the opportunity to go to the Breaking Bad Arts Gala at the Munchkin Mansion.

[caption id="attachment_1059" align="aligncenter" width="620"] As I said on instagram: yes, I clean up good. No, I do not know how I am single either.[/caption]

That really was not what it was called, but it was too hard to remember to say the Bricolage Arts Gala at the Muckenthaler Mansion.  On a side note I am going to host a Breaking Bad Art Gala at the Munchkin Mansion next month.  Look for your invite in the mail. Speaking of mail I am sending out Penny's post cards this week!  Keep your eyes peeled.

Despite the fanciness of this even what it really was was a fancy talent show for the arts students at the school I work at.  I was very impressed with many of the students that were there and the artistic and creative ability they possess.  My favorite were the hip hop dancing kindergartners.  I WILL be making my future children be hip hop dancers.

May had one of her art pieces featured and she sat with me and her friends while we laughted our way through the 30 minute long Broadway medley of songs I had never heard of.  It was a great night all around.

[caption id="attachment_1056" align="aligncenter" width="620"] May is quite the artist![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1057" align="aligncenter" width="620"] Cute photo with the girl![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1058" align="aligncenter" width="620"] This is her silly face. Child please![/caption]

After the gala I had to walk to my car in high heels, at 10 o'clock at night, in the dark, freezing my long legs off,  by myself.

I usually do not complain or care that I am a single lady just livin' life carrying on and what have you, but there are times it would be nice for the world to make some allowances for us single ladies, if you know what I mean.  Below is my list of single lady perks I would like to see adopted in the world as soon as possible.

Single Lady Parking Spaces
I think it is high time the close to the door spaces stop being hogged by the elderly and the handicapped.  Looking as good as I did Friday night and walking alone to my car in a dark neighborhood should not be happening the world. Am I right ladies?

You Are Fabulous Gift Registry
I love all my friends that have gotten married or are getting married soon. Love them.  I also love being in their weddings or going to their weddings to show my support of their nuptials.  I even love buying them things for the home they are going to be making together.

I like to think they think of me every time they use the coffee mugs I bought or sleep on the sheets I bought them (Gross.  I actually never buy anything for the bedroom that happens to be on a registry). But what about me?  I mean just because I am not getting married anytime soon does not mean I couldn't use a Kitchen Aid or  Ninja Blender?  Can we petition Pinterest, they are in charge of all weddings now right, and come up with a single girls gift registry? Perhaps for her 30th birthday which is coming up in November? hmmm?

Moving Day Boyfriend
I hate moving!  I was all OK with it when I was fresh out of college.  I would move a bed up three flights of stairs and not bat an eyelash.  Now, I can think of nothing worse.   The idea of having to lift heavy boxes, hire movers that are creepy men in tank tops, and then get everything in its place is daunting.  I once had a boyfriend when I had to move and let me tell you it was nice, he even had a truck.  I have considered finding boys on Match.com a month or so before I move again just so I could have some extra muscle.

Furniture Assembler 
Yes I know I can hire a handyman to do this or heck I could even do it myself.  I actually have built my own furniture,  and that desk only wobbles when you put something on it.  I am telling you I am just not interested in furniture assembly.

Single Girl Security System
When I come home late at night and the house is empty I would love it if I had someone who would walk from room to room and make sure the person I am convinced is going to murder me is not hiding in a closet or a shower.  Yes, I check for myself and I am always uber dramatic; throwing doors open, flicking on the lights, hitting the ground in case I startled the gun man and they shoot.  Not that I want a boyfriend to be shot.  I actually only think about these things when I am home alone.

Dog Taker Outsider
I love my little Penny girl.  I just do not love it when she wakes me up at 4 in the morning and I have to take her outside to potty.  It would be great if when you bought a puppy they provided a person to help shoulder the load if you are single.  I am telling you I could live without seeing as much puppy poop as I have in my short life.

Junk Food Eater
Occasionally I will eat some junk food, OK I really would eat it every day if I could.  The only problem is that It is just me and a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos   If will power was actually a thing this situation would not be a problem.  I have been known to eat a lot of junk food, I actually made myself sick this weekend because I ate too many cookies.  It would be great if there was another person around to eat some of the junk when I break down and run to Target in the middle of the night.

What is something you wish was a thing that would make your life easier? Single or married I am sure we all have some ideas.  

I Love Me! A Single Girl's Guide for Valentine's Day

You don't have a valentine be your own valentine.

Hi friends!  I am so happy to be celebrating Valentine's today with my students.  I am even happier that I do not have to teach them on the actual Valentin's Day.  Something about all the sugar highs and coursing hormones just is gross.

One of the things that bums me out about VDay is that too many single ladies let it get to them that they are single.  I am so single that single is  synonym for my name.  JK, but I am not seeing anyone and there is no one interesting around.  Most days that is totally fine, today I had to log off of Facebook because like three friends announced they were pregnant and I just couldn't anymore.

Although it would be cool to have a little, actually tall, manfriend to lavish me with gifts and take me to dinner I have found that I am in control of my own happiness.  If having gifts and nice dinner on February 14th would make me happy then dang it I will be my own Valentine, because I love me!  It is true I really love myself and think I am a real treat.  Because of this I will be kind to myself and treat myself a bit.

I had the epiphany that I could be my own Valentine about 6 years ago.  I wanted to get a new computer and couldn't totally justify getting one.  Then came Valentine's day and I knew I wanted to get it because I love me! So I did.  Every time I used it I thought about why I bought it and it made me happy. Apple MacBook Pro MD101LL/A 13.3-Inch Laptop (NEWEST VERSION)

Last year I was on the search for a cute pair of cowboy boots.  Again it was around February and I was having a hard time spending about $200 on a pair of boots to wear for fashion.  I decided it would be my VDay gift for myself and I have never felt guilty about the purchase.  Rather I feel hot and super awesome.

Ariat Women's Heritage Western R Toe Boot

This year I really wanted to get some nice skin care products.  I had heard incredible things about Philosophy and decided that it was time to make an investment for me.  I also really wanted to buy a Clarisonic for some time and decided this Valentine's Day I would buy it to complete my skin care needs.




Philosophy Purity Made Simple One-Step Facial Cleanser, 8 Ounce - Philosophy Hope in a Jar Daily Moisturizer, All Skin Types, 2 Ounce - Clarisonic Mia Sonic Skin Cleansing System, Pink

I figured this was a great post to link up with Nicole for Treat Yo Self Thursdays!

 

So ladies I really encourage you to find something that will make you happy for days/years to come.  Instead of being sad make yourself happy and buy something nice, go somewhere fun, buy candy for a friend, or just be kind because chances are someone else is having a hard day too.

If you were to buy something for yourself this year what is the item that you would love to have?

If you haven't done so yet do not forget to vote for your choice in the Ultimate Valentine's Day Contest! 

PS - if you refuse to find something to be happy about here is my playlist for terribly realistic break up songs.  You can just listen and soak up the melancholy.

Can I also count this as part of Helene and Sarah's link up?  It is tomorrow so let this serve as a reminder!

True Love is - Time To Vote

It is officially time to vote for the winner of True Love is… A Valentine's Day Contest.

Your task is to read the entries below and vote for your top two favorites.

Voting lasts until Thursday night at 8 pm PST.

If you are nominated feel free to tell your friends to come and vote for you.

Just a reminder of what the winner will receive:

$25 Victoria's Secret gift card

And the title True Love Expert of the Whole World

The Things I've Done For Like

It is Monday and the Seahawks are the new champions of the world, or just of football for one year.

The photos above are of the fine folks I watched the game with.  Laura and Adam are some of my dear friends from all the way back in college.  Adam is from Seattle and turned 30 yesterday.  Pretty much the best day of his life, other than getting engaged to Laura.

Well friends this weekend marked some very important things, Lunar New Year, Super Bowl, The Month of Love (ya know cause of Valentine's Day), my momma's birthday.  It is seriously a busy month y'all.

I want to preface this month of love and love related posts by letting you know where I stand on this whole relationship situation.  I am single and I am honestly happy.  My students think otherwise.  Whenever a topic turns to relationships, it happens a lot in Psychology class, they say things like "Don't worry Ms. T.  Someone will love you."  Kids these days!

Last week I was teaching my Psychology class about love and how the brain responds to love.  I said something about how we do stupid things because we are in love.  Then I said "heck I've done stupid things for like!" Which totally intrigued my class and caused about a minute derail as I told them one of the stories that I will share here right now!

 

Drove to Rialto 

Now if you are not from Southern California this means little to you.  If you are from Southern California, I think you know that driving to Rialto for a boy is silly.  His neighborhood was so sketch that I had to call him when I was close to his house so he could meet me on the sidewalk and walk me to his apartment safely.  He was managing an apartment building there which was why he lived there.   He wasn't scary, just unable to come to my house to hang out.  This was during college. I am pretty sure that I would never even consider a relationship if I had to drive 45 minutes to see a guy in the ghetto.

Let a boy wear my UGGS

A few years back a guy I liked and maybe went on a date with asked me if he could borrow my UGG boots for a silly costume party.  I grew up as an only child and I am not used to people wearing my clothes or shoes.  I also do not shop at thrift stores because it just creeps me out.  I let go of my neuroses and gladly handed over my boots.  We quit hanging out shortly after this party and I could never wear the boots again.

Quit being a vegetarian 

For about two years I was a vegetarian.  I have never loved meat and I only eat it like 3 times a week.  I started to date a guy at church and he knew that I was a vegetarian.  He invited me to his parent's house for dinner and I accepted.  I arrived at their home and was given my dinner: Chicken tacos.  My date's mom really did not make anything else.  No beans or rice or anything else I could fill the tortilla with just chicken.  When I explained that I did not eat meat a battle broke out.  I am the least confrontational person and to make some peace I just ate the chicken.

Used a product he was pushing 

No I didn't do drugs!  I liked a boy in college who started to sell some skin care product with his sister.  It was like Avon but not Avon.  Anyway, after class one day he asked me if I could do a favor for him.  Of course I said yes and followed him to his car to retrieve what I would need to do the favor.  It was try out some face wash and then see if I wanted to order it.  I already knew I didn't want it though.  I have really sensitive skin and only a few things do not make me break out.  Long story short I tried it, and had a face full of pimples to prove it.  I am pretty sure that helped him like me more, not!

I know that there are plenty more things I have done that are even more ridiculous or silly, but that is all I can think of right now.  Perhaps a part two will be in order one day.

What are some things you have done for like or love?  I am sure you have some juicy stories to share.

6 Things That Happened This Weekend

Where did the weekend go?  Is it just me or was this weekend way way way too fast?  I could have used like 15 more days before going back to work.

This weekend was a big one for some folks in the world, and I was one of them.

First, The Grammy's happened.

Congrats to the night's biggest winners Steve Martin and Edie Brickell for winning  Best American Roots Song: “Love Has Come For You."  I always hate that you have to watch the whole show just to find out who won this extremely well-known category!

PS  - yes that is comedian Steve Martin!  If you want a complete list of all the awards Ryan Lewis and Macklemore won you can click here.

PSS- It looks like Katy Perry has become the Susan Lucci of the Grammys.  Keep your chin up Katy, maybe in 20 years Macklemore will stop singing songs about looking incredible in your grandpa's clothes and your tunes will be appreciated.

Second, Sean and Catherine had sex.  Oh wait, I mean they got married.



It was just hard to tell what I was supposed to be watching and excited for because of all the reminders that they were going to have sex for the first time.  By the way they finally are having sex!  Um, can I just say that if I were going to be getting married on TV I would NOT want all the focus to be on my having sex for the first time.  #boundaries.



Third, the Ducks thrashed the Kings in the Stadium Series 3-0.  I thought that the game would be a mess because it was outside in Southern California.  I mean it was 75 degrees during the day and I was worried there would be no ice. But the game went on and apparently the ice didm't totally melt.

I watched the game from a restaurant with a bunch of other hockey fans and I think I had a better seat from the bar than I would if I had tickets for the game (even though I actually wanted to be at the game).  The Ducks shutout the Kings and I couldn't have been happier!

 

Fourth, I went on another date with the guy from this post and he fell asleep at the table.  He wasn't in REM sleep or anything, but homie could not stop yawning!  I was baffled.  I am quite the catch and I am pretty sure it would be really hard to fall asleep while in conversation with me!  I would have let it go but it is the second time it happened!  I am telling you He fell asleep on our first date too.  Fall asleep on a date shame on you.  Fall asleep on a date twice shame on me.

Fifth, It appears I have a soul mate that I did not meet.  I went with a friend to get pedicures this weekend and the man on the other side of her apparently was just like me.  We both get pedicures, love Sherlock, and think vow renewal ceremonies are a desperate attempt to salvage a marriage.  I had no idea of all the things that connected us until later that day.  My friend was a terrible wing person!  So if you read this blog let me know.  All I am looking for is someone who is nice, clean and can stay awake on a date.

Sixth, Penny went to the dog park and showed the world she is a stuck up little dog.  I am telling you she will not play with the riffraff of the world!  If you weigh less than 40 pounds you are no good for her.  I apologize for anyone whose feelings this girl has hurt and I assure you we are working on it.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="576"] Penny's i know I am better than you face.[/caption]

How was your weekend?  What exciting things happened to you or better yet what boring things happened that would have made a date fall asleep at the table?

How To Grow Your Blog - Live and Learn

Today I am happy to join the party over at The Craft Practitioner and pals for Live and Learn Thursday.



One of the things I have been living and learning this month has really been in relationship to my blog.  I have had a huge increase in readership and interactions this month and I have loved every minute of it.  The more I learn about blogging the more I love it and want more of it.

I have noticed some of the biggest blogs do a few things and I totally gave into their peer pressure.  Here are the things that I now do or own and the result has been a more visited blog.  The truth is probably due to some great giveaways, but for today this is how i lived and learned on how to grow my blog.

Take a DSLR photo of yourself

This does not mean take a lot of photos with a DSLR camera, or even buy a DSLR camera.  All you need to do is take a photo of yourself holding a DSLR camera.  Borrow one from your uncle, neighbor, or Best Buy take a photo and slap that bad boy on every social media outlet you have.  Let the world know you were in the presence of a DSLR camera, thus legitimizing your blog.

 

Get a Dog

This one will be a little harder to fake.  Sure you can take a photo with a friend's dog now and then but if you do not post pictures of your fur baby at least twice a day none of us professional bloggers will believe you.  This will probably be the largest investment you can make for your blog.  So far Penny has cost me 16 crap loads (that is an exact figure.)   But the joy she brings me when I get 20 likes on Instagram is irreplaceable.

Get in a relationship

I have been told I am too picky when it comes to dating.  Once I lowered my standards and just dated people to have blog material I became much more relatable and open.  Instead of looking for my Thor-like man to hold me in his incredibly buff arms I can date guys who play Playstation hockey and then tell you they are pretty my Thor or a NHL player and you ÷don't even know the difference.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="508"] I would like you to meet my boyfriend.[/caption]

Write about blogging

Blogger cannot get enough of blogging.  I mean it is like our black tar heroin, I am not even sure if that is a thing i just heard about it once on the street. I am telling you my posts about blogging are my most viewed posts.  For example Things This Blogger has Yet to Say and Best Blogs To Sponsor.  Now this post will be up there with the huge posts about blogging in the past.

This is of course all in good fun! 

I loved working with Lindsey on this post.  She is the very sweet and crafty lady over at The Crafty Practitioner.  You should read more of her posts about Live and Learn.  You will also be so jealous that she did not make your birthday party Lorax themed when you see what she did for her son's birthday.

She is a Nurse Practitioner and a crafter.  She does a great job of sharing her love for people and her love for crafts on her blog.  You can follow her on Bloglovin, Twitter, and Facebook.

A Letter After A Date

I went on a date last night.  We have mutual friends who read this blog so I am going to keep this short and nonchalant.

Dear guy I saw last night,

I used my phone to show you a photo of someone.  You may have noticed that my phone case looks like it belongs to a 17-year-old Asian girl.  I like it in its ridiculous cuteness.  I also only spent $5 on it, thus making me even more awesome

My cell phone case is a penguin.  In case you are wondering if other really cute girls use silly phone cases please see Jess from New Girl.  At least my phone didn't have a tail.



Thanks for dinner and for watching the Ducks beat Nashville with me.  Have a lovely day!

Insert Nondescript Closing Here,

Erica

 

PS - Sorry I didn't offer to pay for dinner and have a cute "Oh no I got this" moment with you.  You were a gentleman so I knew you would pay anyway.

What's That CIA, You Want To Give Me A Job?

I am so excited that I can finally share this post with you because the information is no longer under warps.  This Saturday two of my best friends got engaged!  Since none of you know them (well Meg knows them) it would be silly for me to share their story with you.  Instead I am going to share how I was involved in these two finally getting engaged.  
 

As you looked at their little photo montage of their engagement announcement I am pretty sure the first thing you thought was something along the lines of "Wow!  That girl's nails look so nice!"  OK maybe not, but now I hope you look at her nails and think they look nice because that was my one and only contribution to this fine couple getting engaged.
 
Here's how it all went down. Her boyfriend, now fiancee, called a few weeks ago and asked for my help with something super top secret.  I knew why he was calling as soon as I saw his name on my phone.  He is a texter and a real live phone call meant this was important. 
 
He said that one of Laura's dreams when getting engaged was to have her nails done already so all the photos of her hand with her new bling would look nice.  He asked me to take her to get a manicure without giving away the proposal latter that night.  I said sure and I would plan something fantastic.
 
If you ever need to get your friend a fake free manicure without her thinking it is for an upcoming proposal I advise you follow these simple steps. 
 
1. Ask friend if she is free 2 days in advance for a manicure. 
 
2. Tell friend you bought a Groupon for buy one get on free manicures and it is expiring that weekend. 
 
3.  Tell your friend that you need to use it and they need to help you.  Really it is a huge favor for you. 
 
4. Go to the nail shop before you meet your friend and pay for your manicures and give a nice tip. 
 
5.  Tell the manicure ladies not to tell your friend that you paid cash money for their services. 
 
6. Meet your friend for breakfast and talk like you do every day.  Topics to avoid: rings, the boyfriend, the future. dying alone. 
 
7.  Take friend to shop and criticize her choice of nail polish color.  I mean this is not the time to pick a fun color.  You need a classic color that you can live with for forever.  
 
8.  Apologize to your friend and tell her that she is the only one who needs to think that color is pretty, even if you think they are making a big mistake. 
 
9.  Smile and be cool when your friend says "Groupon is amazing!  I should really use it more often!"
 
10.  Give your friend a hug and don't say anything that might give away the upcoming event like, "I hope tonight is the best!"
 
11. Smile and toot your own horn.  You did not ruin a darn thing and your friend had camera ready nails. 
 
After the CIA reads about my clever lies I am sure they will be giving me a call with a job offer.  Deception like this needs to be put to good use. 

He Died: A New Dating Philosophy

Well we made it through another Monday.  I don't know why, but I have been really excited for life on Mondays this month. I think it is because there is such promise at the beginning of a new week. I have hope that everything that was terrible on Friday might have worked itself out over the weekend and I can start fresh.

I actually just may be alright with this particular Monday because I had a movie day after school with my psychology students.  I offer extra credit once a quarter if my student stay after school and watch a movie that relates to the curriculum.  It is usually a great movie that I just do not have time to show them during class.  Right now we are learning about different states of consciousness and one of the main points is on drugs: why people use them, the effects, and how to get sober if you are an addict.  We watched Walk The Line today and the kids were so cute.  They stood up and cheered at the end and were really into it.  I was a little worried because Walk The LIne because it is about a time period in America they did not really know much about and it was country music, but dang it, they gave it a chance and I think they learned a little something too. 

I will now be totally changing topics, brace yourself.This weekend I had a couple conversations with some great friends that were pretty much about the same thing: Why do guys seem interested for two weeks and then fall off the face of the earth, never to be heard from again. I am sure most of you ladies at some point in your life have had some sort of experience like this, at least most of my girlfriends have.  Here is the situation as I see it.  You think a guy is maybe great and you are excited to spend more time with him.  You are pretty sure he is into you too, mostly because he said he was, and then two dates in he is gone.  He doesn't call.  He doesn't text.  He doesn't smoke signal.  If you are like me you spend a couple of days waiting for the call, text, smoke signal.  When it doesn't come you spend a little time rethinking how the dates actually went, think he might have dropped his phone in a puddle of water and then realize it hasn't rained for like a month.  Sometimes I look through some old text conversations, realize I text to much, and resolve to not text him too much when he finally gets in touch with me again.  Somewhere around day 5 a revelations comes to me.Random date guy died.  I mean it is the only possible explanation for what happened.  I can smart, funny, tall like Heidi Klum, and I am appropriate in social situations.  His death is the only thing that explains why I suddenly quit hearing from him.  

Can we please be proud of my first GIF?  Hey Oh Taylor. I think she would totally benefit from my "He's Dead Philosophy of Dating."

Thinking of random date guy as dead really helps with the bitter aftermath.  If I get frustrated that he fell off the face of the earth I remind myself, that he might have actually fallen off the face of the earth.  I will think something like "That poor guy he was so young, he probably had so many great dates planed for us," instead of "What a jerk!  I can't believe I bought a new dress for this!"  I share this extremely valuable information with you because I know am not alone.  Next time you go out with a guy that disappears after a few dates just remember, he probably died tragically.  It might help you cut him a little slack as you delete his number from your phone. 

How To Be Awesome - Stop Talking

I love this poster and the slew of aphorisms that it contains.  I realize I just used the word "slew" and "aphorisms" on a Wednesday morning and I want to thank the 5 of you who will continue to read my blog.

I realize this is a cheesy classroom poster, but that aside it contains some simple truths.  The first time I saw this poster I was subbing for a jr. high English class. Even though it was a cheesy teacher poster, we all have them, the message has stayed with me for a while now.

The part that resonates the most with me is the "watch your words they become actions."  So often our thoughts and words seem like just thoughts and words.  Usually they are harmless, but if they continue in negative or unchecked ways our actions can reflect what we think and talk about. 

There are times in my life where I get really hung up on some thing and it seems that no matter what I can not stop talking about it.  I honestly do not want to talk about that topic but I can not stop myself. I hear myself bringing it up in conversations or looking for ways to include it when it really does not apply.  I often feel like Cady in Mean Girls when she keeps talking about things that she knows she shouldn't, "word vomit" is what she called it.

Cady word vomiting all over Aaron Samuels.

So you may be asking yourself "What is this topic that Erica keeps talking about?"  Currently, I do not have one. However, in the past it has been one of two things. problems at work or relationship problems or lack or relationship problems because I am not in a relationship.

Around Christmas time I went on a few dates with a guy and it fizzled hard.  I mean we hung out, I met his drunk roommate, I gave him bomb chocolate chip cookies baked with like (I just met him why would I bake them with love) for his Christmas gift and then he died.

I am not sure if he died, I am sure that I never heard from him again though.  My wonderful cousin Rachel says when she goes out with someone and she never hears from them again it is becuase she knows they died.  She gets mad that they did not call and then sad when she thinks of them dead, it saves a lot of heartache actually.

After this turn of events and a random man's death it was all I could talk about.  A friend would bring up her date and then I would talk about mine.  I would be hanging out with my family and they would ask me how things were and I would go into my single girl story, over and over again. I would go to the gorcery store and buy ice cream and then tell the checker that it was because I liked ice cream not because of a break up.  But since she asked (yeah right) I would tell her about why I am single.  The conversation quickly turned from that one guy to all guys.  The snowball was rolling and building up speed.

I am sure that those around me were very tired of this topic of conversation, but they love me and let me go on.  I was tired of the topic.  I was tired of feeling like the girl who only had the identity of "I am sad and single."  That isn't me and that is not who I want to be perceived as.  

As the motivational poster above reads watch your thoughts they become your words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become you character and your character is your destiny.  If I was not careful I was quickly moving from thoughts to words to actions and could easily have become a habit of complaining about something petty in my life.   

So what did I do.  I made a commitment to myself and God that I would stop complaining about my situation out loud, in my head, and in my prayers for a month.  The first few days were hard because talking about this topic was really all I was talking about, but after three days or so of detox I was fine.  There were times I almost talked about it and remembered my personal challenge and bit my tongue. 

During my self proclaimed silence I remembered that I am worth so much more than a relationship.  Just because one guy died doesn't mean they all will.  Just because I am in a some what slow dating time doesn't mean I always will be.  Just because I have Friday nights where Ken Burns is my date does not demean my significance in the world.  

I want to note that if something ever happened to you and you have bottled that up then you need to talk about it.  Taking time to stop talking is for those moments when you do not need to talk.  It is for those times when talking is becoming toxic.  It is for those times when you are becoming someone you know you are not and someone you do not want to be.

If you are sick of your own toxic thoughts let them go.  If you think someone else is sick of your rantings, let them go.  If you are afraid to stop talking because you do not know what to talk about anymore trust that those around you will fill in the gaps while you make your way back to your true character. 

Choose your thoughts and words careful for they really do make a difference in who you are. 

love! Erica 

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