Recently

Last week I was in the great city of San Diego, which we all know means.... (By the way how terrible was Anchorman 2?)

[caption id="attachment_1810" align="aligncenter" width="600"] The only day I actually made it to the beach.[/caption]

I was there for a teaching conference for the AP Psychology class I am teaching next year.  For those of you who are like app Psychology what is that?  It is the Advanced Placement Psych, the college version in a high school classroom.  In other words a ball of full for adolescent teenagers!

This conference itself was so inspirational for me.  I love hearing good teachers give lessons and help me be better at what I do.  I will say though that being a student again was hard.  Sitting in a chair from 7:30 am to 4:00 pm with a lunch break was torture on my back and attention span.

While I was struggling to stay awake and attentive I realized that teachers are the absolute worst students in the world.  When our teacher gave us group work I would roll my eyes and act like it was the hardest thing in the world to read two pages and tell someone about it.

The people behind me were on the computers the whole time watching the World Cup.  Which, by the way if another person tells me they played soccer in high school and that they have always loved soccer I am moving to Canada.

The whole class (including me) was on their phones checking gmail and texting.

The older folks in the class threw a temper tantrum when we went over the changes in diagnosing people with a psychological disorder (DSM 5 changes for the two of you who are also psychos).

And because it was a room full of teachers everyone thought they were smarter than the rest, tried to correct the instructor, and would talk and talk and talk just to hear their own voice.

As a species we are not so spectacular when combined in large groups.  Thanks non teaching friends for putting up with me!

Also my dog ate my students homework.  Well she tried, I stopped her, but the irony made me giggle.



Also go see 22 Jump Street.  I have not laughed that hard in a movie for a very long time!  If you were not super keen on the 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street was amazing!

And on one last note,  I have been living in these tank tops from Target.  I bought one in every color and they are the essence of my summer wardrobe, They were all under ten dollars a shirt, so I say that is a win win!  Maybe even wear it when you go laugh your face off at Channing and Jonah.

[caption id="attachment_1807" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Go buy ten of these from Target, You will thank me later[/caption]

 

Don't forget about Listed Tuesday!  Make a list slap on the button and have some fun!

I Want Penny's Life + 1000 Pennies Giveaway

I have received exactly no emails asking me what Penny has been up to the last two weeks.  An ordinary person would take that as a sign that they shouldn't write about Penny.  Good news for you I am not ordinary girl and I will let you know what little
Penny girl has been up to.

First up, Penny wanted to jump on all of you and say hi!



Even though the Ducks are out of the playoffs (curses!) she wanted to show off her new jersey which will be worn next year when the Ducks will win the cup.



Penny has had a lovely time practicing yoga on her yoga mat while eating all of her chew toys at the same time.



She went to the dog park and left with all the mud.



She made the least appropriate friend in the world, The World's Largest Dog, at the small dog side of the dog park.  I should note that this behemoth pooped and it was the same size as Penny.



And she worked everyone in the world and pretended to be super cute so she can get all the love in the world.



 

Thank you all for all your concern over Penny's beautiful life.  She was so happy to read all your emails.  I also want to say thanks for following my little blog here!  I am psyched that I reached 1000 followers of Bloglovin' yesterday which has brought me more self worth than anything I could imagine.

Because I now have a huge ego I decided to say thank you in the only way I know how, with a chance to win some money. How much money 1000 pennies to be exact!  1000 pennies to anywhere you want!  If you choose Paypal you could play the penny machine in Laughlin 1000 times.  Or if the concept of 1000 pennies is too much for you to wrap your brain around on a Friday that is $10 otherwise knows as some hardcore fun!  Just enter below for your chance to win.

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Don't Stop Believing, Let's Get This Party Started

Congratulations are in order for Penny The Puppy.  Last night was her final exam and graduation from Puppy class.  It was six hard weeks of learning to sit, stay, leave it, and shake and somehow they said she could graduate.  I personally think she passed because she was a cute girl, but that isn't the first time someone in her family earned a higher grade based on beauty #joke.



When we arrived to class I could tell that Penny was a little nervous she ran to the classroom first in order to feel comfortable with her surroundings and mentally prepare for the hardest part of her final, leave it.

Chiquito and Simba made their way to class and their nerves were evident too.  They waited in anxious anticipation for their teacher Tia Gloria to come with their tests.  Tia walked in and told us that we would test in the order that the puppies arrived, which meant Penny would be first.  Penny then shot me a death stare for being chronically punctual with a look that read, "how dare you!"

She walked up with the confidence of a teenage boy and added a little swagger to her step.  We waited to for our instruction.  Sit and Down.  Easy.  Penny sat before i even told her and laid down with ease.  She earned her treat and pranced back to her seat head held high.

Chiquto and Simba also handled this challenge will and it was time for round two.  Penny strutted to the testing site ready for anything.  Tia Gloria then moved her seat right next to penny with enough dog treats to stuff a horse.  She then held a huge piece out for Penny and told her to leave it.  Penny looked at it and gobbled it up in .4534 nanoseconds.

Everyone laughed and her confidence was shaken.  We tried again and this time Penny showed impulse control, probably because she gave herself a belly ache.

The rest of the testing was a breeze, sit and stay, meet and greet with out jumping, and shake were done to perfection.

With all the puppies gathered in one room they were deemed graduates and given their diplomas.  Penny named herself the valedictorian of her class and gave a moving speech.

She spoke about the importance of chasing your dreams and never giving up.  Finding bowls full of chicken and how to work your angles to look cuter and get more treats and affection.  She spoke of her dreams for the future to help bring world peace.  She ended with a beautiful rendition of Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" (of course it was changed to Puppy in the mirror, and she tried to attack her reflection.)

She then ran around the room giving high fives and kisses.  When she was done being the belle of the ball we snapped a few graduation shots and basked in her glory.



She left PetSmart feeling smarter and brighter than any puppy that ever came before her or will come after her.  She then looked at a little down trodden puppy that pooped on the floor of the store and said:

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="500"] via[/caption]

12 Things I Am Afraid To Tell You About Erica: Penny's Prerogative

So yesterday Erica took to her blog and decided to share 12 Things She Is Afraid To Tell You About Me and after learning how to read last night I read her post and I was outraged!  I felt like I needed to come over here and defend myself against those grievous accusations.  However, I realized most of them were true.  I then decided the best revenge would be to tell you 12 Things I Am Afraid To Tell You About Erica, actually it should be 12 Things Erica is Afraid of Me Telling You, but I was going for continuity.

I have also decided to use my Penny's Prerogative post to address this pressing issue as The searches that lead the fine folks of internet searches to Erica's blog were not that exciting this month.



1. Erica is the worst at sharing her food.  She makes some delish items for dinner and she NEVER shares it with me.  I will bite her shin, starch her ankles, make the cutest eyes at her and nothing.  I have had to resort to jumping all over her or causing a distraction on one side of the house and hope she leaves her food on a table I can reach.  It doesn't always work but I will never forget the In n Out burger of December 2013.



2. Erica likes to sleep too much. Last night for example I woke up at 1am and I really wanted to play with whoever was outside our house.  I barked and barked for Erica to let me outside, but she just stayed in bed.  She then tried to take me outside to potty, but that was not what I wanted.  I do not understand why she would need more than 2 hours of sleep.

3. She will not let me play with the drug using neighbors. They tried to pet me last night as we walked to our car.  They said I was soft.  They also had long white sticks hanging out of their mouths that were stinky.  I think they are my type of people.

4. She never takes me anywhere!  Apparently she has this thing that no other human being has called a "job."  She will leave for like 8 hours and then come back later in the day.  I think it is just made up because there are plenty of people who live by us without these so called jobs (see #3).



5. I only bark at men that run by the house because Erica won't. I am a mind reader and I can tell she likes them.  She is just so shy she won't stand up for herself and bark to let them know she is interested. I guess I have to do everything around here.

6. Erica wears the best smelling shoes in the world.  I just want to smash my face in them and then eat them.  I have gotten my teeth on two pairs of shoes so far and I am always on the lookout for more.



7.  Erica said yesterday that I poop a lot and I would have to agree.  You know who else would agree Taro Gomi the author of Everybody Poops. Hence Erica poops and so do you. Stop judging me.

8. Erica sprays herself with stinky stuff all the time. I always sit in the bathroom while she is getting ready in the morning and all her sprays make me sneeze.  She sprays stuff on her hair to make it shine and to make it stay in place.  She sprays stuff on her skin to smell like heaven and she sprays things to clean up the sink.  I am telling you this girl is killing the earth.  Al Gore would be mad.

9. Erica would like you to believe that she is fit and healthy.  I would disagree.  I go on all the walks she goes on and I can tell you that she only will walk for like an hour every day.  How is someone supposed to get their wiggles out in an hour?  If Erica was less lazy I know she would be a better person.



10. Erica has taught me to replace my feelings of sadness with food.  Whenever she leaves me for the day she gives m a treat for sitting and staying in place.  I am now a dog who eats her feelings.

11. Erica is disgusting and takes a shower every day. I cannot believe that she would do that to herself.  She tries to give me a shower or a bath once a week and that is too much.  Who in the world would subject themselves to showers every single day?



12. Last but not least, Erica is crazy loud when she watches the tv show with the white ice and little men hitting a ball around.  The last game we watched she started to scream at her TV.  I tried to calm her down by barking a lot and biting her hand, but that did not help.  She is just uncontrollable.



Well friends I am so glad I was able to share these fascinating tips with you.  I really hope you know more about Erica and the girl she is trying to hide from you on a regular basis.  I also hope Erica has learned her lesson and will think twice before she write all my secretes for the internet to read.

12 Things I Am Afraid To Tell You About Penny: Listed Tuesday

I feel I need to warn you that this post may not be as funny as I think it is right now.  I have been awake since 3:30 am and the time is now 9 pm.  I am funning on caffeine fumes, peanut butter cookies, and crystal meth.  In case you missed my announcement earlier today crystal meth is my pet name for Chipotle.

I actually went to bed and then had  like 11 million ideas and got back up to write this post.  Today I decided to go the more vulnerable route and share 12 things I am afraid to tell you… About my dog, Penny.



 

1. Penny is afraid of some people.  She actually will get out of her collar and run away if she gets a bad vibe from another person. This only happened once, so pretty much she met Hitler.

2. Penny is a beardist.  Again I cannot believe I am telling you this but Penny hates people with beards.  She does not discriminate either, man or woman, black or white, you got a beard she has a problem.

3. Penny has eaten two pairs of reading glasses.  I can't even handle this one right now. My glasses are so expensive it is not funny. She found both my regular pair and back up pair and destroyed them. So far new pari is holding up just fine. You can read about Penny The Punisher here.

4. Actually, Penny will eat anything and everything.  I have to leave my laundry basked on my night stand so she can not get another pair of underwear or socks.  I am running out of essentials!

5. She likes to bark at hot guys who are not wearing shirts as they run by our house or car.  It has become a problem inasmuch as they never even give her a second look. You would think her self esteem would be low, but she is surprisingly resilient and just keeps going.

6. She is most afraid of her own reflection.  On a walk around the neighborhood she will want run away if she catches a glimpse of herself in a neighbor's newly waxed car.  The mirror in my bedroom is aways a place of constant angst as she looks at her reflection and tries to pick a fight with the other dog she sees.

7. Homegirl can poop. I actually think you guys already knew this one.



8. Penny HAS to be the center of attention for the whole world.  If she is hungry or needs to poop (See #7) no on in the world will be able to do anything until her needs are met. She also created her own Instagram.  I guess you can follow her if you dare @penny_grams



9. Penny has strange sleeping habits.  She sleeps under my bed until about 1am and then jumps on my bed and sleeps on my hair for the rest of the night.

10. She is the least helpful blog assistant ever. At this very moment she is biting my hand so I will pet her.  Shesh she is so selfish. Doesn't she know I am writing about her?

11. Ever since I compared her to Matthew McConaughey, here, she has been unbearable.  Demanding home cooked dinners, threatening to pee on my new rug, and wanting me to hold her donut rawhide so she can chew it at an elevated level.

12. She is one spoiled puppy.  Her days consist of laying around on the couch watching Harry Potter.  When she is hungry she walks around the house with her empty plate as a way of telling us she would like some more.  She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it.



 



Whew that was a load off.  I am so glad i was finally able to open my heart and share theses things about Penny with you.  I can go on with my day feeling lighter and free.

Please join me for Listed Tuesday and make sure to check off each item on the list below:
- Follow Erica Jacquline on Bloglovin (It is only polite)
- Write a post about anything you want that includes a list of sorts
- Add the Listed Button to your post
- Come by Erica Jacquline on Tuesdays and add your link
- Read other posts, comment, and make new friends
- Shower, rinse, repeat each week

April Is For The Dogs

As i pointed out yesterday I am enjoying my week as a Stay At Home Dog Mom.  Yesterday was no exception.  I went out with Penny and my a friend who is also a teacher and enjoyed a day for the dogs.

We lazed about at the Lazy Dog Cafe in Brea with all the dogs, including the Yorkies in strollers, yes people had their dogs at a restaurant in strollers #ItIsADog!



We then went to the best dog park ever and played with the doggies.  As I have pointed out before dogs just love me, you can read about it here.  I was like a little dog magnet.  They flocked to me and jumped in my lap, followed me when I walked around, and insisted I play catch with them.  I decided since I was the Dog Whisperer I needed to rename all the dogs at the park.  Penny and I had a great time with Reginald, Scotty McDectective, Ebony (Penny was Ivory), and Thomas.

This is Thomas, He adopted me because his human wouldn't play with him.

While I am doing my best to avoid any responsibility and enjoy my days of sunshine and freedom, I realize many of you are busy at work and at school.  I decided it was a good idea to stop rubbing in my good fortune and have my friend Nina from The Grand Adventures of Me take over for the day.



If you are not currently following Nina do yourself and get over to her blog.  She is a gem of a human and a funny funny girl!  Some things that make me love this girl are the fact that she is majoring in English and Psychology, she has the most compassionate heart for people and is passionate about ending human trafficking, and she shares the best stories about stealing tampons.  I am just going to stop talking and let Nina take it from here.

Hello, fellow friends of Erica Jacquline. My name is Nina and I hail from the East Coast: Tennessee to be exact, where we they sing rocky top with pride. #GoVols #ICouldCareLess

If you are a school teacher like Erica, or a student like myself, the month of April is probably the closest thing to hell on Earth.

 Summer break is literally just a sneeze away, but you can't get there yet because you are drowning under piles of papers and papers and papers.

 And if you've ever had a sneeze built up and you can't let it go, you understand that miserable feeling. Yes, that is how April feels to those of us chained to the education ball.

Not to mention, if you live in a temperate climate, it is finally warming up and all you want to do is dance around in fields of wheat and set up your hammock and read books outside and subject your pasty white skin to the sun's harmful UV rays in hopes that you will soon look like Snookie instead of Olaf the Snowman.

 But oh wait! You have to be inside (papers on papers on papers, remember?)

So this pull to go in either direction makes for a lot of stress, right?

Normal bloggers just go to the wine cellar and destress. But as for me, my school has a strict no-alcohol policy, and technically I'm not old enough to consume alcohol. 20 years and 10 months down: 56 days to go.

So because of all that, I have to come up with ways to destress without drinking a bottle of Plum Wine.  Because if I did drink wine, that is the wine I would drink.

 

1. Puppies. Obviously, Erica has Penny the Puppy and she's the cutest thing ever. However, I do not have a puppy. But I do have a postcard of Penny the Puppy and that's the cutest thing ever. It's proudly on my fridge. I go to the local puppy pound and play with all the dogs. Yes, I come out with welts (allergies) but I also come out as a happier person, that is until I am reminded that I won't see them next time I go. I convince myself it is because they all get good and loving homes.

2. Workout. I'm a runner, so that is obviously my workout of choice. But I also like to prove to others that my hips, indeed, don't lie. Zumba is where it is at when I'm wanting to feel sexy, sweaty, and awkward all at the same time. Other great workouts: Kickboxing (for all the aggression), Piloxing (for all the extra energy), and Sleeping. I'm pretty sure you burn calories while sleeping. We'll count it as a work out.

3. People watch. Just go to Walmart. Sit on the bench. And snapchat the most ridiculous looking people to your friends; add it to your story. Laugh for dayz. And by dayz I mean 10 seconds because that's the max time limit.

4. Marathon. Overwhelmed? Stressed? Up to your neck in responsibility? This is the perfect time to start watching House of Cards or Scandal or whatever it is I see everyone tweeting about. Set aside a day to watch all the seasons. Netflix: Can't watch just one.

5. Eat your Pancakes. Do something productive every day. This is the only bullet point I have that doesn't involve avoidance. We see how I handle stress. This is the most important one, though. Doing something productive every day means you actually have time to go play with the puppies. And we all love puppies.

I am firmly against conclusions because they are hard, I don't like them, and there is never a good way to tie up all the loose ends. I hope you enjoyed this list, and be sure to head over to The Grand Adventures of Me because we have a lot of fun with even more lists and fun stories about buying tampons in small towns and other awkward stuff like that!

Thank you so much Nina for sharing your wisdom for surviving April!  I told you all that she was a gem, a funny gem.  Make sure you visit this lady on her Bloglovin and say hello on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter

Oh and before I forget do not forget about the totally amazing new link up that is taking over the intervebs!   Come back here tomorrow and link up your post that involves a list.

SAHDM - A Stay At Home (Dog) Mom

What day is it today?  I have lost all concept of time and it is glorious.  As I might have mentioned before I am on Spring Break this week.  I know a ton of you who are probably very jealous and I totally get it.  I will just let you know at the school I work for I get no paid vacation time and I am still working from home a little this week. So maybe just be a little jealous, not change your whole career so you can have Spring Break jealous.

This year's spring break came at me late, y'all it is almost May!  I was one worn down kid and I made ZERO plans.  While I have been at home the last five days It dawned on me that with my new addition of Penny when I have large chunks of time off I am a SAHM or Stay At Home Mom for the non-mommy blog readers.  I reckon to make it even more appropriate I am a Stay At Home (Dog) Mom.  Here is my very intense schedule for all of you who are considering being poor and staying home with your dog everyday.

My life as a Stay At Home (Dog) Mom

 

7:00 Wake up and take Penny outside

7:15 Make coffee and write a blog post for the day

8:30 Publish post and read a few other blogs

9:00 Take Penny on a 45 minute walk

9:45 Eat breakfast

10:00-12:00 Watch episodes of Sex and the City on E!

12:00 Have a snack

12:00 - 6:00 Hang out, see a movie, go to lunch with a friend, go shopping, laze by the pool

6:00 Take Penny for another walk

6:30 Eat dinner

7:00 - 9:00 Work on some blog stuff, clean the house, maybe wash my clothes, maybe not.

9:00 Yoga or Pilates

10:00 Read in bed for an hour

11:00 Try to fall asleep and not be scared of all the noises that happen after 11pm that you have never heard before because you are too tired when you actually have to work.

It is a really difficult life.  I thank you so much for your patience while I try and get things done around here.

Because I have had so much free time I decided it was time to catch up on some movies.  First up I actually watched one of those Hallmark movies that was on TV, told you I was a stay at home mom.

It was the one with Katherine McPhee and she dreams of her new boyfriend and then he was real.  As I watched the movie I realized that is pretty much how things are going to have to work out for me too.  It seemed more realistic than actually meeting a man in the wild, like I have been trying to anyway!

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="725"] via[/caption]

I also ventured out in public to see Captain America.  I am just going to say what everyone should be thinking - BORING!  I just cannot get on the Cap bandwagon.  I fell asleep during the first movie and I wasn't going to see this one either. However, a coworker practically insisted I see it and love it so I took his word for it, I will never take his word again!

I will say that I thought Katherine McPhee did a much better job as The Winter Solider than she did in the Hallmark movie.  Sure it was a bit of a stretch for her, but she totally transferred herself.  Well almost, she kept the same hair.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="630"] via[/caption]

Alright lovelies I am off.  The time is 8:45 so you can figure out what I will be up to now.

Two Smart Cookies!

I have some pretty major news to share with you today.  These two girls are going back to school!

So maybe that is not the most exciting news of most of you.  But for this little professional student and her puppy it is pretty exciting.

[caption id="attachment_1359" align="aligncenter" width="600"] The email telling me I was in![/caption]

I am heading to Chapman University in Orange County to earn a PhD in Education emphasizing in Leadership.  I promise this is the last time I will ever say anything this pretentious on the blog again, except for when I graduate with said degree.  You can bet your sweet booty I will remind you of all the work I put in for four to five years.

Going back to school was probably one of the most agonizing decisions I have ever made. I had a lot of details to try and work out in my mind.  Do I have time? Do I want to write papers for grades again? Can I still work and go to school?  If I take out student loans will Obama finally forgive them?  Will people invite me to sit at the cool kids table?  You know all the normal questions a student goes through.

I decided it was time to take the plunge and just dive in and let everything figure itself out.  I do not know what my job will let me do in terms of full time or part time.  I do not know what my income will be or how much I will need to take out in loans. I do not know how it ail will work out, but I know it will work out.  I have a great peace that this is the right decision for me to get where I want to be in my career goals: you know only teaching classes three days a week, writing books, and traveling the world all in the name of education.

As I write this post Penny is sitting here forcing me to play catch with her.  Forcing is the right verb by the way.  She jumps on the couch, then on my stomach, drops her tennis ball on my laptop, and then bites my hand if I do not throw the ball in the next 3.689 nano seconds.

While we are playing catch Penny wanted me to remind you that she is also going to school.  She has been taking puppy classes at Pet Smart for the last month and she is pretty sure she is the baddest dog in California.

[caption id="attachment_1360" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Penny: leader of the pack![/caption]

 Penny has had a very interesting run at her education.  The first week we were in class she was the star student.  She sat patiently and watched the teacher, she was the example student, and she didn't bark or bite once.  Week 2 we had a private lesson because someone had to work  at Open House for the school she works for.  The third week Penny decided she was comfortable and that she needed to be the class clown.  She was placed on two time outs and was not allowed to play, because she tried to bite Chiquito.

Then week four came and she became the child I am proud of.  She was back to being good and being comfortable.  She sat at one end of an isle and stayed until I called her from the other side.  When I told her to be nice to Simba she was nice to Simba.  When other dog owners had treats Penny didn't distract everyone and then sneak over and eat ALL. THE. TREATS. (that was a week three adventure).

I am pretty sure that Penny's issues with school are going to be my issues with school.  I will show up week 1 and be shy and everyone will think I am so nice and quiet.  Then Week 2 I will sit towards the front maybe talk to a professor about an assignment on my own and make a friend or two.

Week 3 I might get too big for my britches and answer too many questions in class, or worse ask too many annoying questions in class when everyone is ready to go home.  I might try and bite the gentleman sitting next to me with a Latin name, maybe  Jose or Juan Pablo.  I will have to be in time out twice and I will not like it. But by week 4 I will have settled into my new surroundings and will be fun and confident in myself and maybe even make a few friends along the way.

I really hope no one at Chapman knows about my blog and reads this post.  I am pretty sure that comparing my future doctoral degree to my dog's PetSmart diploma is a huge party foul.  A party foul I am bound to commit again and again.

PS - Penny wants to invite you to her graduation party which will take place in three weeks.  If you can not make it to Southern California you can send your congratulations to her in the form of cash money, addressed to me.

Penny's Prerogative The Truth Is Revealed

What's up dog treat dispensers?  It is Penny taking over the blog today for my monthly post: Penny's Prerogative.

This post is where I look for the best searches that have lead you fine people to Erica's blog and analyze your mental health based on the search.  It appears that this month's theme is bad spelling, Chinese alcoholics, and a secret identity revealed.  Let's dig in.



What are the best things in life sunshine?
Is that really a real question?  I think you already know the answer to that one.  I, Penny The Puppy, am the absolute best thing in life and nothing can even come close to my magnitude of greatness.  Next search please!

My glasses more
Your glasses more?  Are you asking me to chew your glasses more? Because I will do that even if you do not ask me to.  The answer is yes, I will indeed chew your glasses more.  You're welcome!

How many hours does Sting anf Paul Simon play?
Paul Simon and Sting played a concert that my mom went to and she said they played for three hours in this post.  But I have a feeling you are not asking that question.  From the word "anf" I can only assume you sneezed when you typed this and you are now dead from a cold.  I am sorry we couldn't help you so you could see Paul Simon and Sting play for three hours.

In 5 years non of this will matter
You are probably non of this will matter, except your ability to spell the word none, that might matter if you want what the humans call a job.  I personally think jobs are silly and I would like it if all humans did not work and just stayed home and played with me.  So please forget that I taught you the proper spelling for none and go hug a dog, maybe a nice pit bull.

golf swing middle age man
How did you know my mom was actually golfer Phil Mickelson?  She has been hiding her identity for so many years now and her cover is blown.  I guess Phil can stop catfishing that nice girl's Facebook and reveal his true identity now.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="800"] via[/caption]

現金sponsor
Because I am Penny The Puppy I also have the ability to read Chinese.  This person was looking for a sponsor for their local Alcoholics Anonymous program and somehow was lead to Phil's site.  Well lucky for your Phil is a recovering Chinese alcoholic looking for people to sponsor.

Theres so power in my name theme
Just put down the bottle and go to 現金 meeting already.  I can not understand you anymore, which is really bad because I am Penny, and if I can not understand you no one can.

i love me
If by "me" you mean me, Penny, then I agree, you do love me!

country rappers
Why would you be looking for a country rapper?  I am just going to assume this is our friend who needs AA and has poor taste in music.  Along with quitting the bottle quit hick-hop and become a whole person.

That is all I have for you today!  Please spell some words wrong and see where your google search will and you, perhaps we will meet again for another rendition of Penny's Prerogative!

Sniff sniff lick lick,

Penny!

 

Puppy Classes, Instagram Filters, and Pink Boxes

Last night Penny and I put our old lady ways aside and ventured outside at 7 pm to go to Puppy Training Class at our local PetSmart.

Before we went to class I was a little worried that I was going to have the "bad kid" or the "smelly kid' or the "sent the teacher to the ER kid" but it turns out I had the star student!  Take that Simba, Chiquito, and Hannah!

[caption id="attachment_1143" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Yes we were a little tired, but we were ready![/caption]

I posted this photo on instagram it had me thinking about all the filter options we have on Instagram and how silly most of them are.  I was acutely going to write a whole post about the questions I have about Instagram while I am choosing a filter.

If I were to have written a post on the Instagram filter choices I am offered I would have asked questions like this:

Why would I ever want to look like a sunburnt Oompa Looma? Kelvin and Toaster I am looking at you! 



 

Also when did it become acceptable to look like a ghost again?  Actually was it ever acceptable to look like a ghost if  your name isn't Casper?

That is right Sierra and Amaro, not to be confused with Alamo (I'll never forget) Why so pale?





And why is is so hard to choose between Walden and Nashville?  

Perhaps I am just drawn to each because or personal bias. Henry David Thoreau I love you buddy.  Nashville, you are the home to my future country star boyfriend Kip Moore.  I love you both.  Please don't make me choose?





Kip Moore, I mean Nashville, you won tonight, your tones of pink were just calling to me.  No, 1977 not that much pink!



 

I was also going to write about the filters on Instagram and how they are different when you try and upload a video.  When you think you are choosing Mayfair you are really choosing Vespar which I think the world really needs to be aware of.

I promise you one of the hardest choices I have to make every day is which Instagram filter I am going to use.  I do not have real problems.

But I decided not to write about Instagram today.  Instead I decided to share a little story with you about how I had to prepare for Armageddon last night.

[caption id="attachment_1151" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Ladies, I know we have all been there right?[/caption]

What is it about Armageddon that makes me want to eat disgusting food like Chili Cheese Fritos?  I guess it is the feeling of impending doom, but there is no science to back me up on that one.

Anyway, last night I knew what was coming and I knew I was ill prepared, so before puppy class I stopped by Walgreens to pick up the necessary supplies to help prepare me for my date with destiny.

I quickly navigated the isles and found my snacks and water and found the pink box in the middle on sale for $8.99.  I always get excited when something I have to buy is on sale.  I then took my three items to the check out lady, thank God it was a lady, sister knew what was happening and gave me the kind, knowing eyes everyone gives when Armageddon is about to befall the land.

She rang up my snacks, but could not ring up the most important item.  She then picked up her phone and called for a price check on the pink box items over the loud speaker.

Hello young man in his 30s that just walked into the store, thank you for making clear and direct eye contact with my pink box and me.  

A lady with red hair wandered the isle where such items could be found, but was unable to find the price.  I decided my dignity was already gone why not spend more time in the pink box isle?  I walked over to show here where I found them and the price sticker that read $8.99 that was listed below the item.  She said "No that isn't it," and walked away.

I went back to the cash register to wait for the price.  Minutes seemed like days and all I could think about were by chili cheese friend waiting to be in my belly.  

Eventually Red Hair came back with the verdict, "They are $9.49" she proclaimed in a huff of price power.

"I showed you where they were marked $8.99 though," I said meekly.  

"No they weren't they are $9.49," Red Hair said decisively.  She then glanced at my pink box as if to say, don't let your turmoil of emotions because of Armageddon rule your logically functioning brain and walked away in victory.

I slowly slid my debit card in the machine knowing I had no argument even though I was right.  I made one last plea to the cashier that I was right, but I did not desire to cause a scene over 50 cents.  I just wanted her to validate that I was not crazy.  She just looked at me and my supplies to survive the week and shrugged her shoulders. 

Defeated I walked away, betrayed by my own kind.  Handed over to what laid ahead only to know that I was swindled out of fifty cents and the only reason I was not validated was the clear signs of doom about to wage war inside my own body.

Armageddon, you vested me this time, but be warned I will win next month when I go to Target and buy a basket full of stuff and hide any trace that you may be near with toothpaste, trash bags, and items from the dollar bins I will never actually use.