12 Things I Am Afraid To Tell You About Erica: Penny's Prerogative

So yesterday Erica took to her blog and decided to share 12 Things She Is Afraid To Tell You About Me and after learning how to read last night I read her post and I was outraged!  I felt like I needed to come over here and defend myself against those grievous accusations.  However, I realized most of them were true.  I then decided the best revenge would be to tell you 12 Things I Am Afraid To Tell You About Erica, actually it should be 12 Things Erica is Afraid of Me Telling You, but I was going for continuity.

I have also decided to use my Penny's Prerogative post to address this pressing issue as The searches that lead the fine folks of internet searches to Erica's blog were not that exciting this month.



1. Erica is the worst at sharing her food.  She makes some delish items for dinner and she NEVER shares it with me.  I will bite her shin, starch her ankles, make the cutest eyes at her and nothing.  I have had to resort to jumping all over her or causing a distraction on one side of the house and hope she leaves her food on a table I can reach.  It doesn't always work but I will never forget the In n Out burger of December 2013.



2. Erica likes to sleep too much. Last night for example I woke up at 1am and I really wanted to play with whoever was outside our house.  I barked and barked for Erica to let me outside, but she just stayed in bed.  She then tried to take me outside to potty, but that was not what I wanted.  I do not understand why she would need more than 2 hours of sleep.

3. She will not let me play with the drug using neighbors. They tried to pet me last night as we walked to our car.  They said I was soft.  They also had long white sticks hanging out of their mouths that were stinky.  I think they are my type of people.

4. She never takes me anywhere!  Apparently she has this thing that no other human being has called a "job."  She will leave for like 8 hours and then come back later in the day.  I think it is just made up because there are plenty of people who live by us without these so called jobs (see #3).



5. I only bark at men that run by the house because Erica won't. I am a mind reader and I can tell she likes them.  She is just so shy she won't stand up for herself and bark to let them know she is interested. I guess I have to do everything around here.

6. Erica wears the best smelling shoes in the world.  I just want to smash my face in them and then eat them.  I have gotten my teeth on two pairs of shoes so far and I am always on the lookout for more.



7.  Erica said yesterday that I poop a lot and I would have to agree.  You know who else would agree Taro Gomi the author of Everybody Poops. Hence Erica poops and so do you. Stop judging me.

8. Erica sprays herself with stinky stuff all the time. I always sit in the bathroom while she is getting ready in the morning and all her sprays make me sneeze.  She sprays stuff on her hair to make it shine and to make it stay in place.  She sprays stuff on her skin to smell like heaven and she sprays things to clean up the sink.  I am telling you this girl is killing the earth.  Al Gore would be mad.

9. Erica would like you to believe that she is fit and healthy.  I would disagree.  I go on all the walks she goes on and I can tell you that she only will walk for like an hour every day.  How is someone supposed to get their wiggles out in an hour?  If Erica was less lazy I know she would be a better person.



10. Erica has taught me to replace my feelings of sadness with food.  Whenever she leaves me for the day she gives m a treat for sitting and staying in place.  I am now a dog who eats her feelings.

11. Erica is disgusting and takes a shower every day. I cannot believe that she would do that to herself.  She tries to give me a shower or a bath once a week and that is too much.  Who in the world would subject themselves to showers every single day?



12. Last but not least, Erica is crazy loud when she watches the tv show with the white ice and little men hitting a ball around.  The last game we watched she started to scream at her TV.  I tried to calm her down by barking a lot and biting her hand, but that did not help.  She is just uncontrollable.



Well friends I am so glad I was able to share these fascinating tips with you.  I really hope you know more about Erica and the girl she is trying to hide from you on a regular basis.  I also hope Erica has learned her lesson and will think twice before she write all my secretes for the internet to read.