12 Things I Am Afraid To Tell You About Penny: Listed Tuesday

I feel I need to warn you that this post may not be as funny as I think it is right now.  I have been awake since 3:30 am and the time is now 9 pm.  I am funning on caffeine fumes, peanut butter cookies, and crystal meth.  In case you missed my announcement earlier today crystal meth is my pet name for Chipotle.

I actually went to bed and then had  like 11 million ideas and got back up to write this post.  Today I decided to go the more vulnerable route and share 12 things I am afraid to tell you… About my dog, Penny.



 

1. Penny is afraid of some people.  She actually will get out of her collar and run away if she gets a bad vibe from another person. This only happened once, so pretty much she met Hitler.

2. Penny is a beardist.  Again I cannot believe I am telling you this but Penny hates people with beards.  She does not discriminate either, man or woman, black or white, you got a beard she has a problem.

3. Penny has eaten two pairs of reading glasses.  I can't even handle this one right now. My glasses are so expensive it is not funny. She found both my regular pair and back up pair and destroyed them. So far new pari is holding up just fine. You can read about Penny The Punisher here.

4. Actually, Penny will eat anything and everything.  I have to leave my laundry basked on my night stand so she can not get another pair of underwear or socks.  I am running out of essentials!

5. She likes to bark at hot guys who are not wearing shirts as they run by our house or car.  It has become a problem inasmuch as they never even give her a second look. You would think her self esteem would be low, but she is surprisingly resilient and just keeps going.

6. She is most afraid of her own reflection.  On a walk around the neighborhood she will want run away if she catches a glimpse of herself in a neighbor's newly waxed car.  The mirror in my bedroom is aways a place of constant angst as she looks at her reflection and tries to pick a fight with the other dog she sees.

7. Homegirl can poop. I actually think you guys already knew this one.



8. Penny HAS to be the center of attention for the whole world.  If she is hungry or needs to poop (See #7) no on in the world will be able to do anything until her needs are met. She also created her own Instagram.  I guess you can follow her if you dare @penny_grams



9. Penny has strange sleeping habits.  She sleeps under my bed until about 1am and then jumps on my bed and sleeps on my hair for the rest of the night.

10. She is the least helpful blog assistant ever. At this very moment she is biting my hand so I will pet her.  Shesh she is so selfish. Doesn't she know I am writing about her?

11. Ever since I compared her to Matthew McConaughey, here, she has been unbearable.  Demanding home cooked dinners, threatening to pee on my new rug, and wanting me to hold her donut rawhide so she can chew it at an elevated level.

12. She is one spoiled puppy.  Her days consist of laying around on the couch watching Harry Potter.  When she is hungry she walks around the house with her empty plate as a way of telling us she would like some more.  She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it.



 



Whew that was a load off.  I am so glad i was finally able to open my heart and share theses things about Penny with you.  I can go on with my day feeling lighter and free.

Please join me for Listed Tuesday and make sure to check off each item on the list below:
- Follow Erica Jacquline on Bloglovin (It is only polite)
- Write a post about anything you want that includes a list of sorts
- Add the Listed Button to your post
- Come by Erica Jacquline on Tuesdays and add your link
- Read other posts, comment, and make new friends
- Shower, rinse, repeat each week

You Asked, I Instagramed

Hello lovelies!  I hope you had a great Easter yesterday, that you ate too much and celebrated in a way that helped you feel more loved.

Yesterday I tweeted for people to send me their questions and I would answer them.  The way I intended to answer all the questions was through my Instagram photos. So let's let the questions and photo answers begin.

Question -  Can animals have a spirit animal? 

Answer - YES!  Every animal has a spirit animal.  The thing about animals and their spirit animals is that their spirit animal has to be a celebrity.  Determining who your pet's spirit animal is can take some time and effort.  It took me six months to figure out who Penny's spirit animal was.  I only know now because her latest haircut was probably too short and she looked like a different dog.



 

After I took her "After" photo I knew who her spirit animal was, Matthew McConaughey.  They both can be a the height of their physical game, and they both can transform their physical appearance to look ragged and gaunt.  They also both like playing the bongos naked.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="630"] via[/caption]

 

Question - What does one wear to a jam making party? 

Answer - I think the answer to this is quite obvious, DJ Kitty shirt.  Wearing an equally unique shirt for a unique party is a must.  It will help you harness your pun making abilities and spread the love because we are jammin'!



 

Question - What is the hot color for Spring and Summer? 

Answer - According to my alter ego, LIttle Miss Coral, the hot color of the season is coral.

 



 

Question - Should I ever leave my phone at home and take time to enjoy the world around me?

Answer - NO!  That is the worst thing you could ever do.  What if you forgot your phone while you were walking your puppy around the neighborhood and you see the saddest fire hydrant in the world? How would you be able to photograph it and caption the photo "whomp whomp?"  Good thing I had my phone when this event transpired.



 

Question - How do I build better relationships with my neighbors?

Answer - Take your dog for an early morning walk so that she can relieve herself and go number 2.  Then plan to have her go more number 2 than she have ever gone in her life.  While you are cleaning up after your dog, because you are a good human who cleans up their dog's poop, have the neighbor boy run outside and have your dog run away from you.

In the process run after your dog and attempt to untangle her leash.  While you are at it make sure you do not tie up the poopy bag.  Hopefully some of your dog's poop will make its way on the neighbor boy and your friendship with the neighbors will be solidified.  You will even exchange hand written letters.



I also blogged extensively about this instance, which you can read here and here.

 

Question - Is Siri a man?

Answer - It is my experience that it is best practice to just ask the source.



 

Question - As an English Teacher I am sure you have the best book recommendations.  Can you please recommend a book that will make me laugh, cry, and think?

Answer - Yes I can do that.  I recommend the award-winning canine literature favorite Sorry I Pooped in Your Shoe.  You won't be able to put it down.



 

Question - I have been trying to lose a couple of pounds.  Do you think I need to lose weight? 

Answer - I think I will just let this photo speak for itself.



 

Question - Do you think Miley Cyrus is negatively affecting the youth of the world?

Answer - According to a recent Gallup poll young ladies reporting increased incidents of tweaking and tongue sticking outing.  The number of these incidents has risen an outstanding 23487%



 

Question - When does life begin? 

Answer - I look for all my answers to life's biggest questions in the card aisle of Target.  I think I have found just the card to answer your important question.



 

This concludes today's edition of You Asked, I Instagramed.  If you would like to ask a question for a future post feel free to email me at ericajacquline@gmail.com.  You can also follow all of my Instagram ways here @ericajacquline

Puppy Classes, Instagram Filters, and Pink Boxes

Last night Penny and I put our old lady ways aside and ventured outside at 7 pm to go to Puppy Training Class at our local PetSmart.

Before we went to class I was a little worried that I was going to have the "bad kid" or the "smelly kid' or the "sent the teacher to the ER kid" but it turns out I had the star student!  Take that Simba, Chiquito, and Hannah!

[caption id="attachment_1143" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Yes we were a little tired, but we were ready![/caption]

I posted this photo on instagram it had me thinking about all the filter options we have on Instagram and how silly most of them are.  I was acutely going to write a whole post about the questions I have about Instagram while I am choosing a filter.

If I were to have written a post on the Instagram filter choices I am offered I would have asked questions like this:

Why would I ever want to look like a sunburnt Oompa Looma? Kelvin and Toaster I am looking at you! 



 

Also when did it become acceptable to look like a ghost again?  Actually was it ever acceptable to look like a ghost if  your name isn't Casper?

That is right Sierra and Amaro, not to be confused with Alamo (I'll never forget) Why so pale?





And why is is so hard to choose between Walden and Nashville?  

Perhaps I am just drawn to each because or personal bias. Henry David Thoreau I love you buddy.  Nashville, you are the home to my future country star boyfriend Kip Moore.  I love you both.  Please don't make me choose?





Kip Moore, I mean Nashville, you won tonight, your tones of pink were just calling to me.  No, 1977 not that much pink!



 

I was also going to write about the filters on Instagram and how they are different when you try and upload a video.  When you think you are choosing Mayfair you are really choosing Vespar which I think the world really needs to be aware of.

I promise you one of the hardest choices I have to make every day is which Instagram filter I am going to use.  I do not have real problems.

But I decided not to write about Instagram today.  Instead I decided to share a little story with you about how I had to prepare for Armageddon last night.

[caption id="attachment_1151" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Ladies, I know we have all been there right?[/caption]

What is it about Armageddon that makes me want to eat disgusting food like Chili Cheese Fritos?  I guess it is the feeling of impending doom, but there is no science to back me up on that one.

Anyway, last night I knew what was coming and I knew I was ill prepared, so before puppy class I stopped by Walgreens to pick up the necessary supplies to help prepare me for my date with destiny.

I quickly navigated the isles and found my snacks and water and found the pink box in the middle on sale for $8.99.  I always get excited when something I have to buy is on sale.  I then took my three items to the check out lady, thank God it was a lady, sister knew what was happening and gave me the kind, knowing eyes everyone gives when Armageddon is about to befall the land.

She rang up my snacks, but could not ring up the most important item.  She then picked up her phone and called for a price check on the pink box items over the loud speaker.

Hello young man in his 30s that just walked into the store, thank you for making clear and direct eye contact with my pink box and me.  

A lady with red hair wandered the isle where such items could be found, but was unable to find the price.  I decided my dignity was already gone why not spend more time in the pink box isle?  I walked over to show here where I found them and the price sticker that read $8.99 that was listed below the item.  She said "No that isn't it," and walked away.

I went back to the cash register to wait for the price.  Minutes seemed like days and all I could think about were by chili cheese friend waiting to be in my belly.  

Eventually Red Hair came back with the verdict, "They are $9.49" she proclaimed in a huff of price power.

"I showed you where they were marked $8.99 though," I said meekly.  

"No they weren't they are $9.49," Red Hair said decisively.  She then glanced at my pink box as if to say, don't let your turmoil of emotions because of Armageddon rule your logically functioning brain and walked away in victory.

I slowly slid my debit card in the machine knowing I had no argument even though I was right.  I made one last plea to the cashier that I was right, but I did not desire to cause a scene over 50 cents.  I just wanted her to validate that I was not crazy.  She just looked at me and my supplies to survive the week and shrugged her shoulders. 

Defeated I walked away, betrayed by my own kind.  Handed over to what laid ahead only to know that I was swindled out of fifty cents and the only reason I was not validated was the clear signs of doom about to wage war inside my own body.

Armageddon, you vested me this time, but be warned I will win next month when I go to Target and buy a basket full of stuff and hide any trace that you may be near with toothpaste, trash bags, and items from the dollar bins I will never actually use.

 

So You Want To Start A Blog - Social Media

In case you have not been here for very long here are the other three posts in the series.

Week 1 - Before You Write A Word
Week 2  - Basic Blog Design
Week 3 - Content



 

This week I am going to keep it short and sweet cause occasionally my real life job, the one that supports my blogging addiction, gets really busy and I need to work from home for an evening.

If you are starting a blog or have had a blog for a while here are my tips to make yourself known to the world.  Anyone can start a blog, but it takes a ton of self promotion.  One of the best ways to grow your blog and get readers is to be active on social media.

If you are a secret blogger I guess you should make new social media accounts.  I personally like it when people in my real life know about my blog and talk about it.  I spend so much time blogging that it would seem strange to not be able to have that conversation with people.

With everything social media related there is a fine line between being informative and being annoying.  It takes time to figure out the balance and it might even change from day to day.  My go to for promoting posts is this 4 tweets in a day, 1 Facebook post, 3 Instagram specific posts, and as many pins as I can muster a week.  This is a loose guideline and it changes daily.

Email 
I think that you should make an email for your blog. I used my personal email for my blog and it was just confusing and too much.

Bloglovin'
I personally love bloglovin.  It is by far the site that generates the most traffic to my little blog. One of the strangest things that I have seen is blogs that are looking for followers but do not have a link to bloglovin'.  If you do not have Bloglovin' I am pretty sure you do not care if I follow your blog.

Twitter
Next up is my twitter account.  I think it is probably the most used social media site for the bloggers of the world.  If you are going to give a shout out to someone, it will probably be on Twitter.  If you want to say "Hey I like your blog and if we met in real life we would be best friends #notcreepy"

Pinterest
If you have some extra time I highly recommend you make your images in your post "pinable."  For this series I pin the main image and I have actually generated a lot of traffic from Pinterest once a week.  I am not a graphic designer and I do not have a ton of time to spend making things look Pinterest Perfect, but once our twice a week I take a little extra time to do this one thing to help my blog grow.

Facebook
I guess people still use Facebook.  I might have a different take on Facebook than other people, but I sometimes feel like it is a waste of time.  I will say that when I first started blogging Facebook was my favorite way to promote my blog. I would post it on my personal Facebook page and my mom and family would read a few of my posts.  After a few months I started a blog page and only people who follow that page can see my posts.  Create one if you want to, update it with your posts, and move on.

Instagram 
I think Instagram is my favorite form of social media.  I love that I have a more personal connection with some followers and I can see what they are up to.  I do not think it brings people directly to my blog, because you can not put links in your photo captions.  I really love Instagram though and I think it helps readers get a more complete picture elf you as a person.

Google+
So I do not really get Google+ but I will use it.  I post all my posts on Google+ because I think it helps them get higher in search engines when you google.  It makes sense right, Google+, Google same thing man!

So what do you think?  Is there any social media that I missed that you would recommend to a blogger? What is your recommendation for self promotion across social media.

SPF 100 On The Rainiest Of Days

This weekend was probably not the most eventful weekend of my short life, which was just fine with me.  Friday was packed full of enough excitement for a whole week.

The day started like any other.  I woke up and got ready to take Penny to the vet to be spayed, because Bob Baker told me to while I was growing up.  On this particular day it was raining buckets in Southern California which never actually happens.

I was in the process of getting ready and I decided I did not want to shower or do my hair, because of all the rain, and because I am lazy.  I reached for my dry shampoo bottle and proceeded to spray away.  I looked at my hair and it was looking greasier instead of drier.  I thought nothing of it and kept spraying.

I set the bottle down and only then did I look and realize I sprayed a lot of SPF 100 all over my hair… On the day the sun was lost #winning.

[caption id="attachment_963" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Both these products are great when used properly![/caption]

I then went to look for my dry shampoo bottle and realized Penny had not been bothering me for like five minutes.  I looked into the hallway and was greeted by this site.

[caption id="attachment_965" align="aligncenter" width="600"] She was trying to escape unnoticed.[/caption]

I swear Penny knew she was going to the vet that morning and her only form of revenge was letting out all the poops.  Either that or she does not like to poop in the rain and had to get a few days of poop out somehow.

I sprayed some dry shampoo on all the poop and away we went to the vet.

I dropped her off and then went to Starbucks for a latte and drove to work.  I was an hour late because of the whole vet deal and walked into an office that had some major power problems (not like people wanting to take power from each other, power as in electricity.)

It really was pretty creepy and looked like a scene from LOST when they are in the hatch.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="672"] via[/caption]

After an hour of terrible lighting and flooding all over campus, the power totally went down and we had to cancel school (I am sure the kids were so sad!)  The only problem with being a counselor this year is that I am now considered administration.  Our principal is out of town for two weeks and well, it was the Principal Advisor and me calling the shots.  Most of the teachers left around 12:30 and I stayed until 3:15  making sure children didn't drown.

The upside was the day went so fast because I was so busy looking for kids, calling parents, and eating ice-cream because the freezers broke.  Not too shabby.

Because California does not get much rain it is always  a little bit of a treat when it does ran all weekend.  My favorite thing, other than laying on my couch consuming coffee with Penny laying next to me, is wearing my bright pink raincoat and black and white rain boots.



I picked little Penny up from the vet after all the hubbub at work and took her home for the saddest night of being a dog mom ever.  She was so sweet and tough but she was constantly whining and trying to get comfortable with no avail.  Finally around one in the morning her pain pill kicked in and she slept.

[caption id="attachment_994" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Still so cute ![/caption]

 

It is so hard to see her hurting when I can not explain to her what to do or why she has to hurt. Bob Barker I am convinced you do not know how hard that part is!

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="240"] via[/caption]

Saturday and most of Sunday I spent the day doing blog stuff and taking care of Penny.

Sunday afternoon I went to my friend Laura's bridal shower and had a lovely time with some of the other bridesmaids celebrating Laura's upcoming wedding, which I can not wait to be apart of it in May.

The house we had the shower at was so cute.  We ate outside and had this view to take in as we celebrated Laura.

[caption id="attachment_987" align="aligncenter" width="600"] The view from the backyard of the bridal shower.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_986" align="aligncenter" width="600"] With the bride to be, Laura.[/caption]

My Super Important Life Goals

I have been thinking a lot about goals lately and where I would like to be in five months, a year, five years, and that is it, thinking beyond five years is too much for me to handle.  While I have very serious goals in my life for my future and my career and such I do not always share them out loud.  I get afraid that they are too lofty and they will sound ridiculous and I will be too sad if I do not achieve them and too many people know that.

So instead of sharing the goals that are totally meaningful today I want to share some goals that are less meaningful but just as serious.

Have a blue verified button on my Twitter

In case you are wondering being verified on Twitter happens when you are famous or have been on Dancing With The Stars.  It is the little blue circle with the whit check mark on the users Twitter account.   Let's look at The White House twitter account.  They have the check mark, you can rest assured that the tweets from this account actually come from The White House, not President Obama, but the house itself.  How cool is that?

 

Side note - One of my kidding, but secretly for real dreams is to be the First Lady one day. I know I could say I want to be President, but have you seen what that job has done to Barak Obama's hair?  No thank you.  I really think it would be amazing to be First Lady though.

You have no idea how much I want this.  I am pretty sure that my plan of being on The Bachelor will get me there though.  Come on ABC what's a girl gotta do?

Start a hashtag movement

I really really want to be the person behind a hashtag phenomenon.  If only I fought of #throwbackthursday

So here are some hashtags I am attempting to make happen and you should join in and help me take over instagram.

#SeriouslySaturday

Seriously Saturday can be a lot of things. You can take a serious picture the one below:

Or you can take a picture of something that is seriously _________________________.

 

This looks like a good point to tell you to follow me on instagram.  I promise I try to post things other then Penny.

Have a successful Link Up!

I had a feature on my blog before Christmas time called Sunday Funday, which you should read about.  Essential I had an Essie nail polish which is the perfect shade of pink orange.



I liked the name and then decided to make a post out of it.  Sunday Funday is a quick post on a Sunday linking to a video, website, meme, e-card, vlog, funny story, other blog post, etc. that makes you laugh or makes your day a little brighter.

I would love to open this up to anyone who is interested in sharing what makes them laugh over the weekend.  So this Sunday please feel free to link your Sunday Funday post here.  All you should do is follow me,  add your link so I can follow you back, and slap this button on your post so others can join the fun.

<div align="center"><a href="http://www.ericajacquline.com" title="Erica Jacquline"><img src="http://i1356.photobucket.com/albums/q738/ericajt/6b67a7f3-dde7-40e8-a010-3ed926c1720f_zpsd0e87c0a.png?t=1391056407" alt="Erica Jacquline" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

I would love to open this up to co-host options as well.  If you are interested in co-hosting Sunday Funday in the near future please send me an email, ericajacquline@gmail.com or comment below and we can get it going.

Have a billion followers

Just kidding, but how cool would that be man!  In case you really want to take that one on you can find all my social media links below.

Thanks for putting up with my delusions of grandeur for today.  Do you have any fun/ridiculous dreams when it comes to social media?

Bloglovin - Twitter - Instagram - Facebook - Pinterest